The Rantings of McNerdius

More reasons for linux.

2011-07-30T22:47:00.002-05:00

GParted. Something any WINDOWS user can appreciate. Boot from linux live CD. Run GPARTED. Do ANNNNNNNYNYYYYYYYTHTHIHIIIINNNNNGGGG to your partitions. Period.

I'm writing this while watching my install take place. The install process is letting me jack around on the interweb, my normal, while also doing it's thing. Therefore, it does not matter if it took twelve days to do. I could care less.

Some fun things i've stumbled across while installing:

Sick, but funny.
Really sick.

Lastly, while surfing reddit during install, i also downloaded and burned a DVD (legally). Yes folks, it's possible. It's just how it works.

Linux vs Windows

2011-07-26T02:53:00.001-05:00

bittorrent clients:

Linux wins. Windows' most popular is uTorrent. I prefer qBittorrent for linux. Try them both, and tell me what you think !

Stupidass Hypocritical American Bullshit

2011-04-02T23:28:00.002-05:00

"We need to reduce our dependency on foreign oil."

"We need to explore sustainable energy."

Both of those statements are true, commonly heard, and have a third thing in common i will now describe...

They're bullshit. Well, not like that. We need to ix-nay the etroleum-pay, AND use wind, solar, etc. as much as possible - BUT - stay with me here - the statements themselves are POLITICAL MARKETING BULLSHIT AMERICAN LINGO HOGWASH SLANG PROPAGANDA LIES. How do i figure ? I'll give you a list of reasons... you can put this one together yourself, believe me.

Nascar.

Monster Truck Rallies.

Nasa.

Blue Angels.

Muscle Cars.

Gas Mowers.

Drag Races.

phonebook ?

2010-10-29T22:21:00.000-05:00

I recently used my mighty combination of frugality and nerdiness to come up with the ULTIMATE in CHEAP NERD COMMUNICATIONS PACKAGE.

(Warning: Very long, nerdy... probably repetitive... Forgive me, for i am bored.)

Ok so here it is. Keep in mind that while the concept as a whole will appeal to a LOT of people, it is suitable only for those at least a bit nerdy. What if i told you, i would give you a computer, 5gb(a medium-high amount) of ANYWHERE internet access, (potentially) unlimited calling and text, as long as you gave me $85 now and $65 a month. Wait... anywhere internet... and (potentially) unlimited calling and text... for $65 a month... and a $85 computer ? Yes. Hopefully, in january when my current cellular contract is up, i will still be able to do just that. (Can't do it now as i'm already an ATT customer and therefore ineligible) THATS CHEAP SHIT.

How ? Go to AT&Ts website as if you were shopping for a new phone. Only don't shop for a phone. Shop for a computer. There's a $40 netbook on their site - a Dell Mini 10. It has the same cellular capabilities of most 3g phones (for data anyways) , as well as Bluetooth and WiFi. Toss in a $40 Bluetooth headset, too - you'll be diggin' it. The $60/mo plan is the "big" plan - it gives you 5GB/month of bandwidth, which, if you use wifi as much as you can, is plenty. I repeat, the $60 you are paying them buys you INTERNET TRAFFIC. DATA. How the hell are we getting these free calls and texts you ask ? Google Voice. Simple as that. It's Google's free VOIP service. It means a new phone number for all those interested, but it is sooooooooo much better than any other alternative, in my opinion. Mind you, when you use google voice, you are eating into your bandwidth limit for the month - so it's best to make calls on wifi (or other non-GSM/3G network) if possible. That is, your own home network (that you may not even know you already have), starbucks/mcdonald's, other local wifi such as libraries, unsuspecting neighbors, etc. And yeah guys - Google is gonna be around a loooooooooong time - your phone number and free service aren't going anywhere.

So - to sum up for those who skipped ahead, or just don't know what the hell i'm talking about...

This is one of the best things to happen to nerds - for once, our efforts to seek out the latest in technology will actually SAVE US MONEY. There's a little more legwork involved in setting up software and this and that - but thats what we do. Nerds - if your next cellphone is not a netbook, you're OUTTA THE GROUP.

Ok i'm done i promise. Ahh... one more...

If your idea of a cell phone is a netbook with a 3g data plan running VOIP...
YOU MIGHT BE A NERD !!!

ps - i got this idea and was doing research online ... one magazine actually had pretty much the same idea (they used skype) and the contract was pretty much the same price... and they called it a ripoff ? i dont get it ?

Gosh darn recycling.

2010-04-30T20:50:00.002-05:00

Recycling is good. No shit.

Why people are too stupid and lazy to make recycling happen something like 90% of the time is beyond me. Where i live, there is no access to residential recycling facilities. Why the hell not ? Recently, Target stores in the area have added recycling bins for quite a few categories of Recyclables, such as: glass, plastics, aluminum, ink cartridges, glasses, phones, and on and on. Oddly, paper was missing. I suppose that a paper bin could be a bit of a fuss given the circumstances. I digress...

My point is this folks: Your trash goes into landfills. They're nasty, stinky, and last but not least, IDIOTIC. But think about it REEEEAALLLLY hard now... Landfills are, to a degree, like a bank account. We've been making hefty deposits. If all that's required for manufacturing facilities to retire, or take a vacation at least, is to start making some "withdrawals" FROM these landfills, then problem solved.

To whom it may concern:

Give me money, and i will put on a biohazard suit, come down to your landfill and spend 40 hours a week pulling recyclable shit out. My wife would be on board as well.

Landfills suck - but people need to realize that, unless i'm missing something here... Thanks to the lack of biodegradability, we can go in and get the fucking recyclables !

Progress...

2010-04-28T12:26:00.002-05:00

Sorry folks, but i have to ask. I mean, for real. Why is it that (at least where i live) cigarette smokers and cigarettes in general are such a casual thing. I mean, you'd be a jerk to ask someone to put it out. At least where i live. I'm exposed to second-hand smoke every day. Why is that OK ?

Keeping in mind how socially acceptable tobacco is on the whole, why in the hell is cannabis such an EVIL thing ? Because it's "worse" than tobacco ? I won't go into all the usual stuff here, because no-one is going to read it anyway, but 1) Tobacco kills 20% of Americans. 2) 50% of smokers die of lung cancer (in America). 3) cannabis, because of it's underground nature, has no additives/preservatives/random chemicals.

If tobacco/nicotine weren't just as addictive as crack, and had some benefit such as treating my seizures (or anyone's ailment of any kind), then sure, maybe, there would be some value in it and i wouldn't be so negative about it. But all tobacco does is kill people and give the government money. Oh and cost the taxpayers money, too. We are being taxed for medical treatment of smokers (one way or another), while the tobacco companies are obviously tossing money Washington's way each pack they sell. Tobacco Smokers, Tobacco Companies, US Government: Fuck Off. I speak particularly to smokers who just wanna smoke and don't care one way or the other about whatever else happens.

On the other hand, if cannabis would be an effective treatment for me, particularly in the form of a brownie, WHY THE HELL AM I NOT ALLOWED TO USE IT. Tegretol XR, at about $125 a month, and being a steroid of some kind, makes me quite cranky. To the point of mania and panic attacks. It is quite effective at preventing seizures though.

BTW, to date, i've tried: Depakote, Dilantin, Tegretol, Tegretol XR, and lately i've been on Phenobarbital+Tegretol. I've had 20 seizures in the last month easily. Is it working ? I think not ! Can i do anything about it ? NO ! But guess what ? Yesterday, i had 2 seizures. I was at work for both of them. I pissed my pants in the middle of the second seizure. No change of clothes, i went to the bathroom, threw away my underwear and dried off. Why ? Necessity. Got cigarette smoke blown in my face twice that day. Also had personal contact with two people that sell or have access to cannabis.

As far as i can tell, there's no help to be had for someone in my situation. And i scour the internet, library, phone book and all that crap every month or so. Thanks America.

OK now for the rest: I've been biking to work Tu, We and Fri. Wife takes me on monday and thursday. Good progress there. Money's the same: still gotta pay off taxes. As far as the budget app, i've been working on it, but it's a challenge with all the extra mental drama.

PS: I do not smoke marijuana/cannabis.

Unicycle.

2010-04-19T13:09:00.004-05:00

I have wanted to ride my unicycle for quite a while. Mind you, i can ride it (on a flat surface) quite well, i just can't get ON the damn thing.

I'm too top-heavy.

I can hardly ride my BIKE up a slight hill.
------------------------------------------------------

Lately, I've been walking to work as often as possible. I've also been riding my bike recreationally and fiddling with the Uni on occasion.

Then, as soon as possible, i will be riding my bike to work. When that happens, i will drop weight like a mofo and my leg muscles will thank me for it. So will my uni, because i'll be spending more time with it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've gotten the motivation to REALLY work on my budget app. There are a lot of projects i want to work on, but for now, i need to work on one project at a time. Right now, the one i need to work on is the budget app.

Digital Captions

2010-03-21T10:41:00.002-05:00

Hello. I have DirecTV. I do not have digital captions. Why not ? I ask because i have bad hearing, and do not like cranking my tv's volume. So i turn the captions off. And then when we have people over, they're always like "Um can we turn the captions off please" and then i just do it rather than explain to them that i really would like to keep it on because i can't hear it well. But of course because i'm having a conversation i must be full of shit. Then they ask me later why i'm saying "huh ?" and "what was that last part ?" all the time. Screw off it's my home. Turn your own damn captions off. And DirecTV, get with the digital captions already. Cox customers have it, i don't.

Dum Duh Dumb Dun Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2010-02-16T12:29:00.004-06:00

That title was actually clever... hehe. So anyways, I had an epiphany. I have rarely posted on here as much as i'd have liked.... but there is one journal i do keep nearly every day, weekly at minimum. But it's content would be too... out there... to consider making public, and open to everyone. So what i'll be doing from now on is including a pseudo-edited subset of that journal, here.

Burning is stupid.

2009-09-06T20:57:00.002-05:00

You know, i just realized something. Burning is stupid. I mean, burning anything. For instance, smoking is stupid. It releases carcinogens. This applies to the cooking method as well. Grilling, too. Oh and that thing called the INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE. Stupid. 20% efficient. Bah. Not to mention the fact that that is where alot of our electricity comes from, is stuff being burned. STUPID. Hydro ! Wind ! Solar ! WHY IS THIS VERY SIMPLE TECHNOLOGY NOT BEING USED ?!?!!?!? There are like six parts to a frigging wind turbine ! This crap is SO MUCH SIMPLER than a frickin oil plant, why the crap do we not build them up, one by one, and dump the old stupid crap, one by one ? Agh... Smokers, Grillers, and STUPID POLITICAL CRAP IS THE SHIT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BECAUSE OF MY ASPERGER'S !!! I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS STUPID SHIT !!!

They say it's because it is newer technology, and hasn't been proven, and it needs to mature, and this and that and the other. IT IS SIMPLE. IT IS EASY. MANY MANY ELECTRIC MOTORS AND GENERATORS EXIST. It does not matter if this technology (say wind) is newer than oil or coal. IT IS SIMPLER. IT CAN BE MASS PRODUCED !!! SHIT !!! IT MAKES JOBS, NOT TAKES THEM !!! Do you realize, coal and oil plants use STEAM, for craps' sake ? STEAM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When i first began learning of the superiority of electric motors/generators over internal combustion, i thought to myself "Well gee, the big power plants must be made in such a way that they are as efficient as possible, right ?" Well sure, BUUUUT...
1) A hydro/wind plant converts motion directly to electricity at something like a 90% efficiency rate.
2) A gasoline engine is about 15-20% efficient at converting the power in gasoline to motion.
3) A gasoline generator could be about 25% efficient at converting the power in gasoline to electricity.
4) A coal plant BURNS COAL to HEAT WATER. Steam. As we all know, if you fill a balloon with air and squeeze it, it will give for a bit, then pop. As that balloon gives for a bit, the air in it is actually increasing in density, reducing in volume. In the context of a power plant, as the steam is introduced to a load, it does the same thing. This is basically the only thing keeping it from being 99% efficient. It pulls it down to 35-50% efficiency.

Now then, what is a power plant DOING ? It is burning coal, to make steam (a powerful breeze) move a frickin electric generator. SCREW THAT.

PUT THE GENERATOR IN THE BREEZE THAT GOD GAVE US YOU TARD, AND YOU WILL GET 90% EFFICIENT. Or underwater. That "breeze" is even more powerful.

Anyway yeah, burning shit is for retards.

Dang old stuff...

2009-08-19T12:56:00.003-05:00

Anyone else want to napalm toaster strudel commercials ? Especially the latest ones, with the two cutesy-tootsie girl actors and their cutesy tootsie facial expressions regarding the ORGASMIC flavor of the toaster strudel ? It's not that i dislike toaster strudels... but their advertising is quite slanderous. Between the two, i find that the strudels tend to be soggy more often than not (even when toasted, rather than nuked), and that there's really no wrong way to do a poptart. Oh and there are generic poptarts.

I have to (well, get to...) go to work in 28 minutes. My shift doesn't actually start for two hours, but i have to be there a half hour early, it takes a half hour to get there, and i'm giving myself a half hour to be safe. I'm stressin... because i don't know *exactly* the work i'm going to be doing, and therefore cannot be confident in my first day performance. I have a general idea, but that's not enough. Additionally, their policy is "Exposed body piercings must be removed or covered with tape or a bandage." I've worked at a place with this exact policy before, and they made no requirement of me, because my plugs are such that noting can "catch" on them, and they cannot simply fall out. It's not a big deal to me, as long as it's not a big deal to them. Then again, walking around with tape on my ears won't be fun. But i'll do it if they want me to. I'm bringing 3 kinds with me. Plus bandages.

OK OK i gotta take off now.

Get it ! Got It ? Good... ?

2009-08-18T15:48:00.004-05:00

Well, I've filled out the W4 and direct deposit, and gotten my security and time-badges. That means i have the job. For now. I hope they don't back out... I honestly don't think they will. I had two interviews with them. They didn't seem phased at the idea of me leaving OTC without notice for my epilepsy, as well they shouldn't have. They seemed equally unconcerned about me leaving Premier because my truck broke down. That, combined with my having given OTC a one week notice before i quit the first time, and that they hired me back, so i must have been on good terms.

Alot of crap. 99% true, but alot of crap, too.

That said, It's 25 miles away, and there may be some fiddling with my piercings to be done. I'm not sure what days i'll be working, or how many hours a week. I find that out in a few hours. The pay will start at 8.85 and could go up to about 13. I'll take it ! :)

Yeah... No go.

2009-08-18T03:08:00.002-05:00

I didn't get the Hy Vee job. My backup plan, seems to have helped, at the very least. I redid my Resume and made a cover-letter. Woo woo. That, and pursued some "alternative job listing" websites... careerlink and omaha.com just weren't cutting it anymore. I'd applied with a certain staffing agency before, but they just said "meh, you quit your last job." Well, they held a recruitment thing today, so i went in and impressed them. Most individuals had poor/inapplicable work history. Most had criminal backgrounds. I have 2-3 years experience (6 year work history) and no crimes. I was the 2nd best dressed of the crowd. One of 2 with a resume/coverletter. I was the only one who had *all* needed documents. I'm going back in tomorrow to (hopefully) fill out the rest of the paperwork, pick a job, and start. Annnnnyways, there's nothing to say i get there, and they just toss me out on my bum for the same reason they did last time. But i feel better about this situation than the last.

Job Update, Random Rant

2009-08-08T02:18:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty sure i have the job. I've talked to the "hiring manager" twice now, and the "shift manager" once. They both appear to want me. According to the hiring manager at our "interview"
(his words) he would have hired me on the spot if he could have. However, the decision is not entirely his, and he has no access to any of the HR... um... Resources. And the HR lady is on vacation. Soooo... that means i need to call the HR lady on Monday (unless someone else gets ahold of me first). I feel good about this job. Here's why:

It is a medium sized store, i'd be working with about 15 people. (too few means drama, too many means politics... 15 is a good medium...)
It is right across the street from our apartment. This would save oodles of gas money.
It pays as much to start as Target did when i quit.
I will be getting oodles of hours to start, as they are behind in their stocking.
They KNOW about my school goals NOW.
Probably more... I'll think about it tomorrow.

Nevertheless, i haven't gotten the call yet. I have an understandably eggs-in-the-basket feeling right now. I haven't done much as far as job-search goes since my interview there. I know exactly what it is i will do if i don't get this one though. That is, if i don't go whacko and splatter my brains.

Now then, on to the rant. It's a lame one. I'd like stuff to go back to how it was... 5 weekdays and 2 on the weekend. Ya know ? Have stuff open on the weekdays, closed on the weekends. OK, have grocery stores and gas stations open on weekends. MAYBE restaurants. BUT THATS IT.

OR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYTHING OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK.

ONE OF THE TWO.

All of this grey area crap is annoying. Too much of this monday-saturday, or one set of hours for m-f, another for saturday, another for sunday. GOD ITS ANNOYING. Yeah business as usual. Mmhmm suuuure. Screw that. I say, do it old school or just be open 7 days a week, same hours, one of the 2.

That and the whole "You can't buy beer from 2am-6am" thing. THAT IS MY TIME. I'm writing this at 3am, ok ? Think about it. If i get up at 4pm, and go to bed at 8am (approx), that puts 2-6am cleanly at the end of my night. I mean, i'd like to be sipping a beer right now, and slip into bed in an hour or so. But i don't have any. OK, what now ? Grape juice ? Yeah, that's gonna get me a bit drowsy. Oh ok warm milk then. Freakin commies. Yeah sure, go buy the sh*t before 2am uhhuh ok. WHY SHOULD I JFNJFGNJK-ING HAVE TO ?!?!?!??

One more thing and im done. How do you spell grey ? I've always spelled it with an e. Always will. Shoot me.

Pray for me !

2009-08-05T00:51:00.001-05:00

I think i just got a job. If you read this, pray for me. I need this job.

Work crap, Zenni Optical.

2009-04-04T19:08:00.002-05:00

life has been odd lately. my responsibilities with the house/budget and whatnot have been paying off... but my work has thrown me a curveball i could never have seen coming. long story short, basically, my job description has changed, and now includes me doing things i would never have signed up to do. It's only one day a week, starting next week, but JEEEEEEEZE give a guy a little notice will ya. Oh and, no training. Just gonna have to jump in and go.

That, and i got a couple new pair of glasses, finally.

For $52. Including shipping. With no insurance. Here's the site: Zenni Optical.

I got #3481 and #3142, with no lens coatings on either as my first purchase. They say polycarbonate is relatively poor as far as visual acuity goes, but after seeing out of extremely scratched up plastic lenses for a couple of years, these lenses are better. I have noticed a bit of distortion out of the smaller lenses, i think that's partly due to where the lens is in relation to my eyes. if i position them differently, all is good. My Rx is barely different than my last, and as such, i can toss these on and see just that bit better without any adjustment period or anything.

I selected the two frames i did to gain as much possible information about zenni's quality, as well as my own sizing and likes/dislikes, all while spending as little as possible and assuming that the order would suck and i'd never buy from them again.

#3481 is a nice rimless frame with stainless "parts" and plastic temple arms. It's a bit narrow on me, although wider than my old frame (126mm.) I got this because it was a sunshade model, and that would make it useful as a frame if i did not like the rimless look. I also got it as a backup frame, being very close to my original frame size. I will be using them primarily as driving glasses, as the temple arms are a bit short for everyday wear, and the magnets for the sunshade will not hold under medium to strong winds outdoors.

#3142 is an excellent bendable titanium frame. It is VERY light compared to my old frame, and very comfortable. The hinges do not need to open "out" - alas, they do not need to - the titanium flexes for you, to gently keep the frame in place. i LOVE this frame. This, sadly, is the one that gives me a bit of distortion. It is either related to how it sits on my face (with my eyes centered 1/4 from the top of the lens) or perhaps stray light whatnot. I can't describe it, but every time i try and figure out what is causing the distortion, i notice there is a light source behind me causing a reflection in the lens, or any other light source making "halos" on the lens. I will purchase the AR with my next set, and see if this fixes things.

Overall, i do CERTAINLY recommend Zenni Optical. As long as you:

Read their returns policy and realize that even if one in three frames is screwed up, it is still TOTALLY worth it.
Read the frame descriptions carefully. They describe their frames to a "T" and you can't tell just by looking what is what all the time. For instance, not all of their "Bendable Titanium" Frames have bendable bridges. It's all in the text.

My shipping time: 12 business days, 14 shipping days, or 16 calendar days. Whichever way you wanna look at it. :)

Any questions ? I'll answer them.

gah im bored

2009-03-20T00:32:00.002-05:00

i made a purchase at zenni optical a couple days ago... i haven't had my eyes checked in a couple years, and now that i have the insurance, i did it. Then i learned about zenni optical. I read some good things, and some bad. Ultimately, the price speaks for itself. I will see whether they work out for me... Within a couple weeks.

Last 2 months of uni practice

2009-03-11T13:03:00.003-05:00

hello all... it's been a while since i've posted about my unicycle adventures. it's not that i've been slacking... on the contrary, i've had something like six uni-adventures since i last posted. the first three (amounting to an hour total) were rather uneventful and discouraging.

On february 10, i tried mounting the 24 (with proportionately longer cranks), and had no trouble. Since then, though, i've begun to more or less re-learn mounting. I think i should have stuck it out on the 20. Ultimately, though, i enjoy the 24 more so i said screw it. My first attempt on the 24 after the 10th failed miserably. I succeeded maybe twice in the period of 30 minutes. This, mind you, was with my sore feet/knees from my new position at work. I've tried with shorter cranks with no success. I figured the lower torque might help static mounting. But no.

The last three practice sessions were discouraging as well. I put the 20" back on... Still nothing. I need to give it a break and let my body get used to my new job. In the meantime, i will take what opporitunities i can to ride my b*ke. I'll still toy with the uni casually, but i can't be serious about it again until my body adjusts to work. I'll step up my stretches and begin taking my glucosamine/chondroitin/msm combo again to help things along, too.

15.25 practice
395 money

BLAH !!!

2009-03-07T21:39:00.002-06:00

Life is soooooo weird right now. Not bad weird or good weird: just suddenly different. I've got a uni-post in the works documenting the past month's worth of unistuff, but that's tomorrow. The good news is, i've been trying to change departments at work. The position i used to be in was in order packaging, and it was in a VERY large packaging center (the warehouse i work in is one of the biggest in the US, like top 5 or something). The particular part of the building i'm in is about 3 stories high, with a CRAPLOAD of halogen lights waaaay up there. Who knows why they've lit it like this. It's very orange, and very innefficient. Getting to the point... Beneath these yellow-orange halogen lamps are about 20 ceilingfan-style fans. I say ceilingfan-style because they are enormous. some are about 15-20 feet across, some are about 30. Each fan must have 10-20 halogen lamps above it. Standing in this area, you will most likely take 10-20 minutes to adjust to the funky lighting, and then think little of it. That's YOU ! REMEMBER PUNKS...

I HAVE EPILEPSY.

Surrounded by cyclic flickering lights at every angle... It was getting bad. But a couple weeks ago, i got transferred. So now i'm back to doing something i have 2 years experience in, and this is coming right about the same time that the cut in hours is coming to an end. So my checks will stop being 300-something and be closer to the good old fashioned 5 to 600. That's after 225 for insurance is taken out mind you.

So work is great, for once. Money is still piss-poor. However, the tax situation is working itself out. I should have enough cash scrimmaged up by the 10th to pay for it, thanks to my bigger checks. After that, i will KICK THE CRAP OUT OF MY FREIURFHUfzigzrnfkgRKENGINEJ-ing CREDIT CARDS.

So things are going good, right ?

i don't know. It could just be a bit of fatigue due to the sudden extra-butt-busting at work, but i'm just feeling very CRAPPY lately. I can't freemount for crap anymore. It could be unrelated, but my knees, ankles and feet are sore from work. I don't know if one thing has to do with the next, and i wouldn't be worried if there weren't an emotional element to it. Blah, i guess i just overthink stuff. I have to be done now though... i just needed to get this out...

30 minutes of fun, and some other things...

2009-02-10T13:32:00.001-06:00

I did 30 minutes today on the 20" in my apartment parking lot. I did very well with the mounting, however having come back to familiar territory and riding, i got to realize something strange. My range has not extended very much, at least not on the flat. I'm pretty sure the loooong run i've done at the park a few times is close to double the longest run i've done here at home, but there are a few major things at play there at the park:

1) Smoother terrain, less paranoia
2) Downhill
3) I do well on sidewalks...
It helps me pay attention to the right things.

Once i realized i was getting on my uni 2/3 of the time without much struggle i decided i'd up the wheel back to the 24". I gave that a spin for a while, and it wasn't too bad at all. I did a few long stretches, and headed off to work.

Another thing i realized when trying freemounting after those few weeks of bad weather, i did unlearn something. I was getting the feel of a true static mount on the 21st of last month. That and pedaling out of it with poor foot placement. Those two things have been lacking lately :-/. Oh well, i was getting kinda bored doing the same things over and over on the 20. I've noticed a couple things help my learning progress: Change in practice routine, and a couple days off. Taking time off is what caused this unlearning, so i figured a change in routine would be wise. Location had already been changed, so this would be a perfect excuse to swap the wheel out, right ?
----------------
The other thing -

On a personal level, things have been rough lately money-wise... Obviously. This, in turn causes additional stresses at home. Which causes a whole list of things:

1) Insomnia
2) Depression
3) Drinking
4) Lack of motivation
5) Seizures

All of these things are inter-related. Mind you, when i say drinking, i do not mean to say that i am an alcoholic. I have a seizure disorder for which i take medicine. In times of stress, my seizures are more frequent, so i take more medicine. The more frequent my seizures are, the worse the insomnia gets. Which means i would drink more frequently to help get to sleep. The additional medicine plus the additional alcohol is hard on my liver. My depression and lack of motivation are caused solely by my lack of ability to do anything to advance myself from my current life-rut. I have no way of moving forward, and that causes me to be hesitant to involve myself in other essential parts of my life.

However, i am currently either going through an early-life crisis or i have figured out a way to stop the viscous cycle. No more liver damage, drinking, insomnia... And although this "miracle cure" is not going to make me rich, and therefore it won't alleviate all of my life's problems, it should certainly help with a lot of other things that cause my disappointment with my life as it is now.

What is this miracle cure, you ask ? Well it is not one thing. It is sort of a ritual. A method of self-discipline. Imagine this: If you did not have the self-discipline to vacuum your carpet every day (even though for some reason you *really* wanted to), but you do have the self-control to not eat a pint of ben&jerry's every night... EARN the ben&jerry's you know ? Give yourself an excuse to munch the ben&jerrys by vacuuming the floor. That's the gist of it.

Alright i'm done babbling... and my fish tank just sneezed, so i'm gonna go look at that...

13.25 practice
395 money

I love this weather

2009-02-06T13:34:00.000-06:00

Well i did another 15 minutes today. I traversed to the top of the hill, and about 15 feet past the crest on the flat. Turned around and rode halfway around the track. My god this rocks. I know i could be going so much farther on the 24, but NOT UNTIL I CAN FREEMOUNT 100% dammit. So basically today was much like yesterday, only a bit better. I'll be uni-ing this weekend too, so my knees will be killing me next week. :)

12.75 practice
395 money

Not like riding a bike AT ALL

2009-02-05T13:27:00.002-06:00

funny thing about unicycling... it seems you get better the more you don't do it. It's been over 2 weeks now, right, and i did GREAT today. I'm now able to go uphill. Period. Just like that. I couldn't do it before, and now i can. That, and i did the same "super-long run" as i did last time, only i did it farther and multiple times. Improved freemounting, improved distance, hills... omg i feel super. Oh and i did all this in 15 minutes.

12.5 practice
395 money

Weather permitting...

2009-01-21T02:03:00.002-06:00

I was able to do another half hour today. Mostly freemounting, which i am getting much more comfortable with. A bit of "distance" riding too, though. Mostly just because i was not a wussy this time. Just not afraid of dabs of snow or ice here and there, and not afraid to try and pedal out of a mount i didn't think was going to work. I'd venture to say i had something like a 25% success ratio with my mounting, although things shifted a bit since my last practice. Before, i'd rarely get my foot in the right spot, backpedal a bit, and GO. Read that again, and you'll see there are three parts to it: Foot on pedal, backpedal (or gain balance), Go. This time, there were only TWO things to worry about. Foot on pedal, (Backpedal and Go). The last two steps are congealing themselves. I even found myself taking off static-style, without backpedaling. There were many examples of pedaling out of a mount successfully even with my foot poorly placed. It was thrilling.

I went for one particularly long venture, too. I started by freemounting in the middle of a downhill slope, going down the hill which is closely followed by a right-turn. After the right turn, it flattens out a bit for 40 meters or so. and THEN... a fairly sharp LEFT turn followed by a STEEP grade down, of about 20 meters. I got down it ! Then, where it levels off, i hit a rock and UPD'ed :). I'm on my 20", folks, what can i say ! I'd say this is the longest non-straight-line i've uni-ed in yet, and i know i could do much more on the 24. I'm going to be getting a b*ke too, soonish, to help up my endurance. I'll do like 30min uni, 30min bike, 30min uni. It will rock anus. I'm out........................

12.25 practice
395 money

im not dead...

2009-01-17T20:32:00.001-06:00

the weather's just been crap. although to be fair, i've *felt* quite dead over the last few days. but i won't go into that.

slackorama

2009-01-06T16:39:00.000-06:00

1/6

30 minutes working on freemount - 20 %
30 minutes applying mounting skills, trying for distance etc

not much to say other than it's been cold and i've been sore :)

11.75 hours practice
395 spent

Secret Life of the American Teenager

2009-01-04T00:50:00.004-06:00

Grr. It's so sad... Secret Life of the American Teenager... My initial reaction to the mere title of the show pisses me off. I mean, speak for yourself, you brainless bimbo sluts. NOT ALL AMERICAN TEENAGERS ARE SCREWING AROUND AT 15. The title of the show, along with it's plot, implies that american teenagers are secret at 15. Make sense ?

I figured others would react similarly... But then i found a crapload of fan sites. Sad. So sad. This show is only going to support those kids who are screwing around as teens. It's retarded.

Our society is growing stupider and sluttier by the minute. I can't even share all of my opinions on this, because, sad as it is, the majority would be offended by it. That is to say, the majority of us are affected by seemingly small, innocent things that, when you REALLY think about it, are stupid. Here are some of the more controversial issues, without insinuating opinion or bias, as examples:

Smoking.
Abortion/Pro-Choice/etc.
Drugs/Alcohol.
Guns.
Politics such as Insurance, FDA conspiracies, what have you.
How to raise kids.
Religion.

Those are all biggies. There are others...

Here are my pet peeves:

Grammar - Your language. Than vs. Then. "My boat is bigger then your boat." - For instance.

Vanity - Lately style has expanded to outright sluttiness. Just my opinion though.

Those who know me best realize i am a very opinionated person, and i guess i could just call myself a modern individual with old-fashioned values. I hate politics otherwise i'd use some other words to describe my views. I won't go into it all now, but some day i will post a spreadsheet of things i Love/Like/Dislike/Hate. Notice no room for neutral.

And to quote a great man - Groucho Marx:

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

whee

2009-01-01T21:54:00.001-06:00

1/1/09

Did 30 minutes or so today... practicing mounting (15% success, roughly) and turning at the park. Probably going to do it there from now on... when i can. Smooth, curvy trail on the one hand (with varying degrees of uphill and downhill to practice on).... And then flat level tennis court for me to use when needed. Good stuff. So i'll be working on a few things for a while:

Mounting
Keeping WOS and "in the zone"
Turning
- sometime soon i'll start on Uni-In-Front dismount

Time spent: 10.75 Hours
Money Spent: 395

last ride of the year

2008-12-31T21:03:00.001-06:00

12/31/08

YAY. i feel like a real man now. Buaha. I freemounted today after about 30 minutes of exercises, and about 10-15 tries. Super. I'm doing a rollback mount for now, and as i get more and more comfy with it, i'll work my way into the static mount. Now that i can freemount, i'm going to make sure i can do it about 20% of the time, and start going to the park to use the track/trail thingy they have there to get my endurance/distance up. The lot at my apartment is a bit too much to deal with to master Weight-On-Seat concepts. oh and i'm doing stretches to help my knees too.

time spent: 10.25 hours
money spent: 395

TURNING ?

2008-12-29T13:21:00.000-06:00

122808

hrm, i spent 1.25 hours today messing around much like yesterday (on the 24). I swapped out the pedals though and had different/better luck as could be expected. My pinned pedals are wider. I had good luck going up hills. I'd do 200m stints uphill, about 150 downhill. My uphill was better because my cadence is consistent. With downhill though, i let myself fly when i could but the fast cadence would kill me (6" cranks)... Then when rough terrain came, i'd power through it but getting back in a groove was not an option.
I'm handling the rough terrain well enough that i'm tempted to put shorter cranks on... but....

I practiced controlled turns. I can do some sorta tight turns... hah... like a 2m radius... IF my surroundings call for it. But turning around in the parking lot merely because i want to ? No way. I made 1/5 left turns, on about a 20m radius. And 0/5 right turns. All of these being 180's that i'm able to ride out of. Not good. Oh well though, this was a first try. I'm certain practicing all of this on the 20 will help. If i have problems on the 20 with the 5's i'll put the 6's on the 20 and the 5's on the 24 to see what that's like for speed-riding.

The killer gooch symptoms combined with sore knees/legs are telling me to take it easy-ish for a couple days. That and i'll be putting the 20" wheel back on to practice turning and mounting so that i can do more than just practice, ya know ?

time spent - 9.75 hours
$ spent - 395

yayers

2008-12-28T11:06:00.000-06:00

just did the 24 last night for a half hour. Had the slick pedals on, which i don't like much. They're too narrow, and some psychological stuff too. Went 200m (According to the computer - seemed like more) several times, and i'll need to be setting my next goal. The night's "step forward" was weight-in-seat. I was able to FLY for the first time, just by leaving my weight in the seat and letting it happen. In the past, it'd been very easy for me to feel out of control, purely from the extra speed acquired by doing it right. But that changed last night. I forced myself to just GO. Still feels scary, but i know i'm in control. What keeps screwing me over now though is foot placement. Ordered some quick release post clamps...

Money Spent - 385
Time Spent - 8.5 hours
Avg Dist - 75m
Max Dist - 200m

Mmmmmmmmmmmkay

2008-12-26T22:14:00.002-06:00

Well then... I did some clever stuff today. Had the 20 and the 24 out, just like yesterday. But this time, it was SUPER nice out. I also moved my car to the corner of the lot so instead of starting from the middle of the lot and working my way to the end, i'd be working from one end of the lot to the other. That's probably about 350m or so. The max i did today (i think) was about 190m, though. Not bad though... I mean yesterday, i was doing 50-100, with a max of about 120. Today was 80-150 with a max of 190... Could've had a bit to do with the terrain, but who cares, i'll still do better tomorrow, ya know ? I also did some vids to review which should be cool. Welp i'm gonna keep this one simple i think... Might do some more riding later on... I'm bored as hell and night riding is fun.

But for now the totals:
8 hours practice
345 spent

once again...

2008-12-25T22:09:00.000-06:00

12/25
MMkay... It's a better day today... not much snow on the lot, and a bit warmer to boot. Went 100m on the 24 today. Several times. One direction is limited to 100m-ish by the size of the lot, the other was psuedo-limited by a combo of fatigue and a load of slush (aka mental block). The lot-limited direction is the same direction that i was originally going - the uneven, downhill, left sloping one. I powered through the slope with hardly any problem today for some reason, and decided that since i was having less problem going straight, i'd try turning. It worked. So i turned and went around the lot to the end of it in that direction. Several times. Mind you, it's a right turn. My tendency is to the left, as is the lot's slope. YAY !

The other direction is uphill, ever so slightly. It's a lot more flat, however there is still more snow over there, as well as more onlookers. But i was still able to go a good 100m. Also went 50m+ well over half of my tries. Fewer short runs this time, but i had myself needing to really push the wheel to get going. That could have just been the uphill runs, i'm not sure. I think a part of the problem i was having last night was not side-to-side balance or speed, but rather Q-Factor/foot placement. I was at the point on the 20 (with the 6" cranks anyhoo) that i didnt need to worry so much about foot placement... but on the 24, i guess i'm not there yet.

Tossed on the 20" after the initial hour on the 24 and had a good time on it. It was cool to be able to push myself through stuff i would not have attempted on the 20, had i not first done it on the 24. Large patches of ice were the only thing i couldn't find myself to try. Tiny bump -> UPD -> break ass... didn't sound too appealing to me. I was able to get a 100m run in on it... it was super.

TIME SPENT: 7.25
MONEY SPENT: 345

THIS WAS POSTED ON THE 26th, HOWEVER IT DOCUMENTS THE 25TH AS MY INTERNET WAS DOWN. YAY.

testing... 1...2...3... anyone out there ?

2008-12-24T22:04:00.000-06:00

12/24
'nets been down a while. It's been wicked cold too... I've had an hour of practice over the last few days on the 20" with 5" cranks. This has been on eneven, slightly snowy terrain (however it is reasonable, and a good representation of the sidewalks). As such, i've been having only so-so progress. Also, i've found out that my distance estimations have been way off. The farthest i've gone has been about 75m. Those trips, however, have been cut short not by UPDs, but by the length of my parking lot. I've been having one problem in particular over this last hour of practice... The lot slants to the left, so when i start trying to correct i find i sometimes have to compensate a WHOLE LOT for the slant. If i correct it by momentarily putting weight on the pedals and slowing down a bit, using my hips to get the wheel straight and starting over, i'm fine. However, i've been trying to keep my weight on the seat. In order to go straight while keeping the weight on the seat, i'm moving my hips, upper body, arms, etc in whatever ways i need to in order to correct. Let's say i point my hips to the right. That will correct the direction, sure. But then i have to keep riding like that. If i make an attempt to "sync up" my upper and lower body, i find i will be traveling in yet another direction and start all over, or worse yet, UPD. If i do not attempt to sync up my body, riding is akward and lopsided... and i soon upd. Needless to say, i certainly need to practice these things on more flat ground. I'm also gonna toss the 24" on and see how it acts on the odd terrain.

later on - got in 30 min on the 24" ... and i gotta say, i love unicycling. I was certainly more comfortable on top of the 24/6 combo than the 20/5... ALTHOUGH, i had shorter runs - 40m or so tops. The same problem described above [pointing my hips (or whatever) away from the direction i'm tending, then finding i need to maintain that position even after my direction is corrected] was much more frequent, and i think it might have to do with either my side to side balance, or my speed. Weight on seat, anyone ?

Overall, it's sad to say that aside from the 1.5 hour experience i've gotten these last few days, i haven't seen any measurable advances. I'm going 50-75 m more often, but still have my share of false starts and short runs.

TIME SPENT: 5.75
MONEY SPENT: 345
---------------------------------------------------------

dang

2008-12-22T15:40:00.003-06:00

Tried my shorter cranks today... a few times anyways. Only went like 5-20 feet though... Don't feel the same control at all. I'm going to adjust my seat and whatnot, and i hope that'll do it. I'm not going to be pessimistic about it right now, because i'm not trying it on level terrain. If i were able to try it on flat terrain i'd know a whole lot more than i do right now. I'll keep trying though, and i know i will get better opporitunities over the next week, which is supposed to be quite decent out, albeit a tad windy.

Yay ! 0°, NO WIND !!!

2008-12-20T22:54:00.002-06:00

i got 30 min tonight, last minute and all. the wind died down and i was able to find a ski-mask at wallys so i decided i'd brave the now snowier terrain of my apartment's parking lot. The tennis court is now useless you see, covered with ice and snow... and so damn small. I'll use it in the future for learning new skills where flat terrain is needed, considering my apartment's lot is by no means flat. Until then, i will use my apartment's lot, along with a HUGE FLAT EMPTY lot that is empty, considering the lot's associated real estate is (and has been for some time) empty. Currently though, it is too snowy.

Anyhoo i did something like 2-300 feet or so. ON CRAP TERRAIN. I went fairly straight too, which was cool. Most of the time was spent trying to freemount though. No luck. I also tried the back-dismount a couple times, but when i fell on my ass for no other reason than the amount of ice on the ground, i decided that the dismount was not the thing to practice this time.

Sunday will almost certainly not be good for uni-ing, nor will monday. However, it looks as if the five days following will be. YAY. I hope to have landed the mount and the dismount to some degree of consistency by the time my christmas vacation is over. Holy cow man... this sport is so satisfying.

total practice time: 4.25 hrs

A bit more fun

2008-12-20T14:02:00.002-06:00

I had a touch more fun last night... about 15 minutes or so. Went some pretty decent distances, 20-100ft, 40ft average. All this on snowy, uneven, parking lot terrain. The lot slopes downhill to my left... left being the direction i tend to anyway, so it was fairly tough y'know. The feeling of the open parking lot ROCKED. Only thing that sucked was the slope the cars and the snow... hah. Oh and it was pitch dark too. Overall though it was still better than the tennis court. I just cannot FREAKING WAIT until spring man.

Anyways i started practicing on freemounting and back-dismounting. I got a feel for them, albeit was not successful. Sort of like when i was practicing to ride on the 24... I'm able to get my foot on the left pedal every time i try. I can get a half-stroke back or forward in either direction after the foot is placed 50% of the time. However, i've not pedaled out of one yet. A good part of the reason for this is that i'm still pulling the uni under me instead of hopping onto the uni. However, i am confident that as i do it more and more, it will become more and more of a hop-up than a pull-under. As far as back-dismounting goes, i didn't get to try that nearly as much: maybe 5 times. I was nearly successful with my final attempt. I slowed down and stepped off correctly, but i was so sure i was going to fail i didn't bother to grab for the uni. Hah.

Don't think i'll be practicing today as it is a bit nippy (8°) which wouldn't be so bad if not for the wind... 10-20mph. I'd do 20 below if there were no wind... but i do not like wind.

On a side note, Everyone go buy a "vacuum pot" coffee maker. I want to get one for xmas. That and a new grinder... i like coffee.

Crapola

2008-12-19T10:44:00.003-06:00

Yayers again. Yesterday (the 18th) I did the 60-stroke max-tennis-court run. On my 2nd try. And there were alot of obstacle-type things. Made me feel real awesome. And i went about 100ft+ on a sidewalk... I think i'm gonna be done worrying about distance and straightness for now. I gotta work on my mounting skills. I'm going to start on curb-mounting, work my way to a free mount.

total practice time: 3.5 hours

and money spent ? Well... when i bought the crank puller (to put the longer cranks on, at the same time that i put the 20" wheel on) i had done some pricing online. $30 to get one shipped, and i'd have it in a weeks' time. I decided to check local bike shops. I ended up getting one (a different type) in town for $15. That was about 10 days ago. Then yesterday, UPS knocks on my door... hands me a box from Unicycle.com. Hmm... i didn't order anything ? It was the crank puller i was pricing. Hmm... odd. I emailed them and i guess somehow it slipped through the cracks. So i called my payment in and everything... Get up this morning, check my email... They replied to me: They GAVE me the crank puller...... WOW. I mean, they made that decision AFTER i'd already called in my payment info, ya know ? Gooooood shit man.

Yaaaaaaaaaay

2008-12-17T19:48:00.002-06:00

I didn't have to work today and it was nice.... well 20° ... but NO wind. So i doubled up my clothes and grabbed the uni. I was going for 2 hours but only made it to about 1.25. This was mainly due to the cold air doing strange asthma-like things to my lungs.

Anyways, i ramble. I did phenomenally well, again. After the 3-4 days or so it's been, i'm surprised... hopped on and right off the bat i was doing BETTER than my last practice session. Last time, i was too paranoid to try uni-ing away from the fence. Also, i've been noticing that i've been doing better with the fence on my right than with the fence on the left. Soooooo... just practice more with the fence on the left, right ? No. My first instinct was to practice with the fence on the right till i didn't need the fence at all. After all, why practice with the fence on the "uncomfortable" side when the goal is to eliminate the fence, right ?

Lemme back up... I think at least a little bit of what helped me so much was the snow. Slowed me down a bit. But after a while, as i did more and more laps, something cool started happening. The snow packing up under the uni started creating little obstacles for me to... either drive over and develop that skill, or avoid and develop that skill. Avoiding them involved uni-ing farther away from the fence. Far enough to where i couldn't reach it, and the "Side of the fence" issue became moot. To an extent. I no longer needed the fence, but i also discovered the reason for the fence issue. I'd been veering to the left. SHARP. If i just uni and don't worry about straight lines, it's about a 15-20 foot radius. Seems bad.

I gave up the fence, and just pushed off from the fence and went. 16 times. An average of 18 strokes per run. Keeping in mind the max the run could be would be about 20-25, that's not bad. I had only 2 failed-starts, with 2 and 3 strokes. Everything else was 10+ as i recall. My max run was 29, that was a fluke though, as it was basically a perfect quarter-circle... I also did a 28. Anyway though, the breakthrough in this session was not length, clearly. It was independence. And i can't go very much farther than i am now in this tennis court. The max run i could do would be maybe 45 or 50 and i'm pretty sure it'll be a few more sessions before i can do that. If i'm near the fence i tend to use it. If i'm not near the fence, it's harder to go straight. Midway down the court, is, of course, the net... which for a newbie is somewhat of a tight squeeze. So i need to:
1) Travel towards the net away from the fence, going straight.
2) Veer towards the fence just enough to avoid the net.
3) Veer back away from the fence... if i go straight after this, who cares.

Actually... that could give me about 60, if i veer left after the net.

After doing my "norm" practice for a good clean hour, i was going to give up but on my way down to the car i saw a looooooooooooooong straightaway that i was going to practice in. Messed around trying to freemount for about 5 minutes before i got pissy. Then i wanted to see how far i could go... feel like a REAL pro, ya know ? But it was uphill... or downhill, however you look at it. I could go about 4-5 strokes uphill, and could barely even mount downhill. I think this area was a bit more slick than where i'd been before too.

OK...

totals: practice time : 3 hours
dough spendage : $340
calories burned: priceless

my cursor disappeared in blogger's editor, and my wife's almost home and the place is a mess and i'm not supposed to be home so i think i'll go clean now see ya hee hee

Oh yeah

2008-12-15T19:41:00.004-06:00

Hrmm i almost forgot, i'll be tallying how much i spend on uni stuff. Eventually it'll all pay off. So far, it's $330. That amounts to 4 months of commute time to and from work. Seems like alot... but uhhhhh no, really, it's not... Particularily considering i live only 2.5 miles from work. I'm not learning this merely for commute, but for exercise and enjoyment as well. But whatever, i like playing with numbers. :)

I've been playing around indoors and not getting anywhere... just not enough room. I've also been having a noise on the left side of my uni... i think it's a pedal not staying tight, but there are times where the noise is happening and the pedal doesn't seem loose. I've seated the cranks well with grease and torqued them to 40... along with doing my best with the bearing caps. still clicking once a rev when the left crank's at about 12:00-9:00.

I've dont my searching and messing and just can't figure it owt.

Havent given up on the uni, it's just cold

2008-12-14T19:45:00.001-06:00

This will be redundant for some of you, but i want to put all
the facts in one place for my own reference. BTW... i LOVE the
font consolas. people complain that it's ugly without smoothing.
But so what ? turn on font smoothing dumbass.

I had a wonderful time on day three of my new unicycle practice.

Prior to installing the 20" wheel on my uni i had oh about...
10-15 hours of practice on my 24". 1/3 of that over the course
of the prior 2 years, the remaining 2/3 over the prior 3 months.
Now then, i've installed the 20" and since then put in 2 hours of practice
over 3 days. BEFORE installing the 20" i could do- 0 revs unassisted, 5ish
with a fence. AFTER installing the 20" [along with the longer
cranks from the 24, and better pedals to eliminate my
heel-to-crank problems] i am going on average 8 revs unassisted,
unlimited with assistance. not much i know but it rocks, i have
made measurable progress each day of practice. My max run has
been 36 revs which is (according to the math) 90 feetish,
probably more like 40-50 due to wobble and the fact that im
doing this at a tennis court, and assuming it's "normal",
that's only 78 feet.

[no that's not bad math... i'm using 'rev'
to describe what is really a half-rev...
i can't think of a better term. i keep a
tally of how many times a foot gets to
the 12:00 position... a rev... if you
have a better term... im all ears]

Wobble ? Oh yeah... wobble. i'm still putting way too much
weight on the pedals. But my balance is improving. I know
this because the 2nd time i did the 36-run i was for some
reason tending toward the fence around the court. I was
doing the stupidest strangest things with my body in order
to avoid touching the fence... but i kept going strong.
Seriously, the only thing that stopped me was the fact that
i reached the corner... I'm not ready for the turning yet.

Both of my 36 runs were done intentionally trying to go slow.
I was forced to deal with balance issues more directly.
I think that's what i'm going to do from now on... maybe a
*bit* faster than those 2 runs, but i need to *feel* it.

I ramble, but this'll be copied and pasted to notepad so i
can read it years from now and giggle.

Hrmm... oddly enough there's only one thing i can think of
that i haven't mentioned. I can almost always mount, and
just go. I know it sounds lame but shit it means alot to me
that i don't have to hang on to the fence for those first
2-3 pedals. i've understood that the fence is ultimately
the enemy and that's been enforced by y'all [especially
you, zogola.] i just mount... go 8 strokes, tap the fence,
go 4 strokes, tap, go 20, etc. I'll be working on just
mounting at a curb and going at it that way soon enough.

Oh and i'm not worrying much about shorts vs pants, foot-on-pedal position, posture, where im looking, anything. On the other hand... if i try to practice at home in my hall, i'm SOL. Odd eh ?

I just hope riding a uni is like riding a bike... cuz it's
so goddamn cold out here in the winter i'll only have 1-2
times a week to practice this winter.

Regarding UNI progress

2008-10-11T21:59:00.002-05:00

I'll be updating regarding unicycle progress weekly, on saturday night mostly.

- Last weekend was mostly frustrating. I spent 3 hours, and nothing satisfying came of it.
- On Wednesday, i spent 30 minutes going down a handicap access ramp, with rails on both sides. It's a bit steep, maybe 10-15 degrees, but whatever. It presents a different environment in which to practice. I took the seat up a tad, and didn't mess with it at all since.
- Thursday, i spent a mere 20 minutes. This time i spent time going UP the hill too. I find going UP the hill rather than DOWN does several things for me. It forces me to lean, because for whatever reason, using (and abusing) the rail as a support does to nothing to help me when i'm going uphill. it does help maintiain side-to-side balance clearly, but on flats and downhill i tend to abuse the rail as i approach the dead zone. and it helps, and i abuse it. anyway, uphill forces me to learn smoother pedaling. Another thing it does is helps me... not fear... leaning forward. Yes, it forces me to lean, because i'll fall if i dont, but... it's less "scary" because the ground seems closer and all. Yada Yada. As far as i am concerned, Wednesday the 9th is when i started making progress. Another note, my shoes broke, quite literally, and i bought a replacement pair. No help with the pedal-slip problem though. I also started experimenting with the position of my ass on the seat. Farther forward helps me.
- Friday: 30 minutes up and down the hill. Forwards AND Backwards now. Did fairly well, THE GODDAMN CRANKS KEEP HITTING MY HEELS. It's the other way around no doubt, but plastic pedals on flat soled shoes means i'm having a piss of a problem with crank-heel collisions. GRR.
- And Finally, TODAY, Thursday the 11th: Firstly i should mention that i am doing nothing "unassisted." Even when i do 1,2,4 and sometimes 5 revs "solo" i am always next to railing, having gotten an assisted start. While on a flat area i've found, after having done mostly ramp practice for the last few days, i figured i'd compare my current skills to last weekend. I'm increasingly comfortable with speed, but not consistently capable of getting there... in the 10-15 feet i have to work with. I'm also mounting 1 handed now. before i was using 1 or 2 hands... now i'm just using 1, and i'm comfortable with it too. I can tell my leg strength/balance/comfort level is increasing alot. The standing on the pedals horizontally thing i've been doing, well i can stand on the pedals, without them being horizontal, without the wheel moving with no problem. I actually did it several times without realizing. Yada yada i'm a wussy i know. After doing the flat 10 foot rail thing for 25 min i tried to do a SINGLE totally unassisted revolution. I tried for 20 minutes. No luck. I can't get going. The leaning, the momentum... my wussy fear, whatever. It's keeping me back. I'll get there though. After those 20 mins, i went back to my hill. I've developed a routine for the hill. I'm doing laps. Go down, turn around, come up. When i get to 5 "UPD-in-motion" i will stop that, and check how long it's been. today i did 20 minutes. THEN after normal laps, i will do another thing... go down... then... BACK up. backwards. 5upds, check the time. 10 minutes today.

SOOOOOO...... for the week..........
5.5 hours practice over 6 days. 0 unassisted revs [none that count]. BUT I AM NOW HAVING MORE FUN. I am developing confidence and a comfort level.

TOTAL PRACTICE TIME: 8 hrs 50 min.

2 more sessions.

2008-10-04T12:29:00.001-05:00

I've done 2 more practice sessions. The second and the third of october. Little progress, at least that i've noticed. I got video, about 10 minutes worth, of my last session. I'm going far too slow, which may give reason to get a 20". I also noticed, though, that in my quest to remain upright with my back straight, it seems like i'm leaning BACK. yeah....................... That and my bulky shoes keep smacking the cranks. Well my right shoe anyways.

45 practice minutes on the 2nd
30 minutes on the 3rd

total practice time 3:15.

Fourth Lesson

2008-09-30T20:18:00.002-05:00

My fourth practice session occurred last night. That would be the 29th. It was about a half hour and it was a major confidence builder. I was using the fence much less, and i was also making a distinct effort to lean forward as well. However, in all my forward-leaning, i was taking my weight off the seat as well. I was sort of slouching forward... it was odd for me. maybe i'm putting my ass on the seat wrong. whatever, I'm getting it. I don't think it will take me a mere 10 hours to master, but whatever. I have no fear that my learning-speed directly indicates my eventual skill level. You see, i've always been a bit unfit. oh and my muscles are KILLING me. they will need time to adjust to all of this work, during which my progress speed will be cut in half or so. One last thing to note... i've never been able to touch my toes. I'd be able to go just past my knees, maybe a few inches..... anyway, whatever muscle (or group thereof) is killing me now, is the same one that has been limiting me my whole life. It probably sounds retarded, but i'm not joking. After practicing, i am nearly able to touch my toes... but a half hour later, the shit KILLS me.

Anyway, pics/vids sometime soon.

Oh damn i almost forgot... This last stuff is mainly for my own recollection later. Like a journal. Hah.
total practice time 2 hours.
This session included no alcohol, and my tire was at 60. (a bit low, i'm trying to keep it about 80)
I wore shorts for the first time and it helped. My bulkyass loose shoes are bugging me. I still need to chop my seatpost a bit to try that out.

Today's Practice

2008-09-28T21:17:00.001-05:00

Well today i found out my uni tire was only at 45psi. I upped it to about 70. It helped some. I only did 20 minutes of practice today, as it was fairly dark out by the time i got around to it. Anyhoo, not much progress this time. I made it 1/2 way around the court without falling... slow and choppy, stop and start, though. I'm relying too much on the fence i think.

Uni update

2008-09-27T19:44:00.003-05:00

Ok so i said i was going to be learning to unicycle. I made some good progress today. It was my second "lesson." My first lesson was sort of a refresher of what i did a year ago when i got the uni. I took 45 minutes and just jacked around on it. That was thursday, the 25th, i think. Today though, i took merely 30 minutes and got much farther. I think it was a beer that helped. I was less tense that way. I did about 3 full revolutions a few times, and i got the "feel" of riding independent. In no way consistently, but i know what it feels like. Most of the time i was going 1-2 revolutions at a time, falling off every 1/3 of the way down the tennis court. I called it done when i made it all the way down the tennis court without falling. Slowly, choppy-like, and not yet comfortably, but it is progress. I can FEEL it in my legs and core, so that's enough for me. I LOVE IT.

oh... i lowered my seat, all the way. i may try chopping the post down and dropping it a bit more, just to get an idea how it feels. But yeah, it helped tremendously. I will be getting video of myself sometime soon just cuz. I'm also noticing where my feet like to be, and that my pants and shoes are causing issues. I'll wear shorts and a different pair of shoes next time, which is probably tomorrow after work again. Weather permitting.

Me, Doing Something

2008-09-26T23:10:00.002-05:00

So here it is folks... I don't think of blogging the same way i used to. Back in the day, i had an account on killingmachines.org. That was during high school. I had stuff going on then, right... i talked to people, i communicated face to face on a daily basis. I was a bit more normal. I was also comfortable with myself as a person because although i was a bit nerdy, i was also known for that. i was known for being a nerd, who knew he was a nerd. knowing i'm a nerd is a good thing. i don't act out, as if i were some cool sly hip mofo. ya know ? but when people needed help, had questions, etc... i was there. i used my kmorg account to keep in touch. anyway, i ramble.

now that i'm not in school, and i don't have the time/money/desire/need to "hang with my homeys" on a regular basis, a blog of any kind is simply... well... not useless, but entirely personal.

Moving on...

For quite a long time, i have not learned anything.

I grew up programming computers, from about age 8-10. I didn't really *learn* that, you know ? Currently i am teaching myself the ins and outs of PIC microcontrollers and electronics. I think it's what i want to do for a living. Not that i can afford the needed education, mind you.

During high school, to help escape the idea that computers were the only thing i dealt with, i taught myself to knit. Ha. That helps... a gay nerd. Mind you i'm not gay, but obviously that's what they will think. But shit, i enjoy making things. Fuck football. I want to do things i want to do. So anyway, it was easy. I moved on to crochet. I don't know why, but i like it better. I do maybe 2 projects a year or so. just enough to keep myself into it. I like it, because it is a distinct contrast to my programming hobby.

I picked that up in a week or so. You see, i have never... LEARNED something. I have never struggled to comprehend something, and stuck with it. Mind you, i am trying to learn as much as i can about automotive shit, like mechanics and whatnot, but it's kind of hard with no garage or tools. That's probably what i'll go to school for. Automotive shit. and then apply my electrical skills. Anyway, on to the point.

UNICYCLE. FUCK IT IS DIFFICULT. It is also a meaningless hobby that will never make me money, nor will it ever produce anything tangible. It will help me lose weight, and it will change my life. It will be the first physical activity i enjoy........................ besides sex that is. it is unique. it is different. like so many things i do.

Why the hell do i do that, anyway ? I mean shit, look at anything i'm into, it's almost always low on the popularity list. And yet i'm DROOLING over this shit. Is it BECAUSE it's not mainstream ? who knows. Well music i suppose doesn't necessarily go that way for me. On the other hand there are some popular bands that i really frickin hate, but i guess thats a bit more normal than bowing to oh, say, Hanson, or some shit. Anyway i'm drunk now so i'm going to be done.

Point is, i'm going to be unicycling. Learning to anyway. They say if i get to it about 4 hours a week or so, i should be decent in a month or so. I'll be noting progress here.

Unicycle photo

2008-09-25T16:30:00.002-05:00

Yeowser

2008-07-04T10:54:00.004-05:00

It's been a long time now... I've lost my mother and now have two new nephews. I'm back to being about 8k in debt, albeit having 5k in savings. Why not pay it down you ask ? Not quite yet... i'm unemployed. It's HORRIBLE. I mean... the whole reason i'm living the way i am is because i can't get a decent job. Do i say screw it all and go to school ? That's gonna cost at least 10 grand.. and do i work in the meantime ? goddammit i dont like this.

Anyway that's not what i'm here to post about. I have a 1991 Volkswagen Jetta. It's very close to being stripped down 100%. The interior is gone, every non-engine underhood component is gone. I have to take the glass out and clean it up. Then pull the engine.

I also have a totaled 2001 GTI VR6. See where i'm going with this ? The interior is yanked, as well as some other miscellany. Haven't touched the engine compartment yet. Hadn't decided until recently how i'm going to wire it all up. I'm going to use MegaSquirt II. Not piggyback, just MS2 by itself. I might piggyback the OEM computer in later... if i find reason to. Anyway that's the easy part. The hard part is going to be getting the damn engine in there. I know there are methods of making it a more or less toss in solution... using 16V scirrocco/passat/corrado parts here and there... But i have determined to use as little of the jetta as possible and as much of the gti as possible. Sound stupid ?

Yada yada yada... i'm not a mechanic. I'm a vw nut with a few hand tools. hell, until i realized how cheap a decent jack is (yesterday) I've been using the corkscrew jack that comes with every car. I know my electronics pretty well. That's what i'd like to do for a living... custom auto electronics. Point is, all this time my dad has been doing his best to help me learn the way of the mechanic. Ha. Because of him, me, and nature... It's not worked out very well so far. When i was younger, i had the opportunity to learn alot from him. I didn't because i resented the fact that instead of going home after school i had to go help him work on cars. After i got my first car (an 85 jetta) I realized volkswagens rocked and i wanted to play with them. However, he was busy with work and school ... as was i. When we did have time to do car stuff together... it was clear he wasn't a teacher. Very impatient... He'd tell you how his way was better than the next guy's without actually telling you what it was. He'd just do it and expect you to learn. All the while i wanted him to just tell me what to do and make sure i did it right. When this jetta came into the picture a couple years ago it was originally goint to be remade on a smaller level for my wife... then we got her a beetle. anyhoo... i figured it would be a perfect opportunity to learn from him. You know... my car.. my way, that kind of thing ? Aha... then nature takes it's course. He's getting old ya know. Losing it. He knows how to fix a car, but DIAGNOSING. Oh no. He just cannot remember SHIT anymore. Then again ... Things could turn around. Wish me luck...

Christians - Stuck in the Old Testament ?

2007-03-11T14:03:00.000-05:00

You know, i've figured something out. I keep bitching about how i can't do certain things in my life because of idiots around me. Well, i can. It might be harder for me, but i *can* change it. And i'm going to. Starting... as soon as someone buys my car. Well, starting the moment i put my car up for sale. I'm selling my car, paying bills down/off and putting myself through school. Yay. Anyhoo. Back to what i was going to post about. Christians with body mods. I'm against vanity. I'm not against self-confidence, or doing what it takes for a christian to set a positive example to the outside world, though. Let me go through some scriptures and give you my take on them, one by one.

Leviticus chapter 19, verse 28 says: You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the LORD.

This is the most commonly quoted verse regarding body mods. I guess piercings count as cuttings, and therefore all piercings/tattoos are done out of mourning. Umm... ok. Seriously though, read this. Since some "evil" cultures have placed significant meaning upon piercings/tattooing in the past, it is evil for everyone for all of time thereafter ? I'm gagging... it makes me sick to think that someone calling themselves a christian could be THAT judgemental and ignorant of christian teaching. Ignorant ? Yes. Go back nine verses in Leviticus and read this: "Nor shall a garment of mixed linen and wool come upon you." Umm... wear clothes much ? The point is, people are taking this verse out of context to suit their OWN wants and desires. The BIBLE, on the other hand, teaches in the new testament, that the "Law" is no longer applicable. Christ died for our sins. He did the work. Our job is to do everything we can to spread that good news. As an introvert, one of my reasons for persuing the piercing project i am in the middle of, is, quite frankly, to start more conversations with others than would normally have been started... you know what i mean ? And, well, it helps. How can a person set a good example if they are never noticed ?

Another issue is that of modesty. Modesty is about preventing lust. Anyone turned on by a piercing *IS* a sicko. Therefore, how is a piercing immodest ? Well, maybe it's vain ? Sure, could be. But that's an issue of heart, and depends on the person's motive, rather than the simple presence of a piece of metal or some ink. I'd go more into the issue of "defiling" one's temple, but to put it simply... Umm, no. If a cute little 3 year old girl isn't defiling her temple to have her ears pierced... well, neither am i. Here it is: Galatians 6:17.“From now on let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.”

And yeah, they're referring to literal marks.

....

Thanks peeps... It's been shorter than i wanted, but w/e

fishy situation

2007-02-23T10:47:00.000-06:00

it's amazing how simple things can make a big difference in life. how the most common, everyday things we americans take for granted, when pulled away from us... we would go crazy. i'm sorry, i'm not really in that kind of a mood right now, it just occurred to me. when i picture an "American", it's always this drunken idiotic bimbo with highlights and shades and holding a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I'm sorry... I know it sounds horribly unamerican of me, but shit... there are SO MANY idiots in this country. so many who take EVERYTHING around them for granted, and it just gets worse and worse as technology becomes greater. And i, for one, HATE IT. Despite how great technology is, there is always going to be manual labor. However, at this point, technology is improving at a rate that makes me paranoid. It's increasing at a rate such that those of us who cannot afford the education to get into a technology-related career cannot keep up. There are two ways to make decent money, as i see it: Get lucky, and get into a job that pays more than $10 an hour and has no significant education minimums or other such qualifications. Any ideas ? I work in a warehouse, and earn about $11 or so an hour. Not quite up to snuff for when i start having kids. Other alternatives include driving semis or assembly-line type stuff. Only thing is, that's not a career now is it ? Anyways, those are IT. that's all i can do right now, from what i see. Why should it take luck or rich parents to get into something MORE ? Why should i have to wait ? I have great potential... all i need to do is get that god damn paperwork. whatever... leave it to the idiots.

ANYWAYS.... My wife and i have been running an aquarium, since december. It's rocked... We've had a shrimp in there... and he's been fine and dandy, along with the other 20 inches of fish we've had in there. Then i go and get 5 neon tetras. They ALL died within 12 hours of being put in the tank. The only thing it could be is hard water... I haven't tested our hardness. I *do* know, however, that we have a huge chunk of driftwood in there, and that tends to soften water. Who knows what it is... crappy fish ?

http://www.fishpondinfo.com/neon.htm

Well, i've vented... adios...........................................................................................

i feel cheated

Hmm... Lazy much ?

2007-02-09T11:23:00.000-06:00

For having made a commitment to more frequent posting, i sure didn't do very well... did i ? It's been over a month now, and still, my life is in a sort of slow-mo, with the lawsuit regarding my car's damage being pending, and still waiting for tax dough. Whatever happens though, i'll end up ahead. All that needs done to my car is a couple panels repainted, a belt replaced, and some minor cleaning (as is always the case...) And after all the tinkering, i'll be selling it for KBB's "Good" value of $11895. Or at least, that's going to be my asking price. I'll just be looking to pay off the loan though, really. I'm sure i'll still turn a profit, and have enough left after taxes, the lawsuit, and selling the car to at least put a good chunk into another car or two.

I'm not sure if i've jotted this in here yet, but the whole idea is to sell the GTI now, and replace it with two older VW's. Ones that I can work on myself, and ones that don't need full coverage. And, having three vehicles, i won't be so apt to opt for rental coverage. That way, insurance will cost us about $50 less a month. Not to mention the $325 car payment we have now will be, um, nonexistent. Sure, we'll have to pay for cars...but not at $325 for 5 years.

Anyways...

My observation lately is this: Life is nothing more than an individual's dealings with + and -. Positive and Negative for the lay-person. Be it money, calories, experiences, or whatever else there may be. I live my life in a way that resembles a savings account, in many aspects. I don't like sudden significant changes very much. Instead, i progress one step at a time in my life, stepping towards my goals gradually. It's like interest. My changes are like small monthly deposits that over time, add up. Many people around me, my wife included, are more like "Checking Account" type people. When things go good (payday) they do what's needed and what counts. When exhaustion or a bad mood sets in, well, it's all rendered for naught. (Overdraft ?) My wife describes this to me as the cycle many overweight people go through trying to lose weight. They see a low number on the scale, bust some ass, get sick of it, stop, see a candy bar, eat it, see a higher number, eat ten candy bars out of depression, decide it's time to bust some more ass, REPEAT. Get a paycheck, spend it on bills, have a little fun with what's left, bust some ass, REPEAT. sound similar ? Anyways... all i'm saying is that success takes more or less the same mindset wether it's with money or pounds. Being able to set REASONABLE goals and keep them, and knowing what you can and can't do. I'm done now... lol.

layout

2007-01-07T12:55:00.000-06:00

well after a couple days of crunching, it's almost done. I'm not done yet, but just about. It'll make better use of the screen before i'm done, but other than that, the physical layout and colors are basically what i want. I like tahoma for my font, and less of the BG to show thru, though. If anyone has a suggestion for a good resource of blogger-specific XML, toss me a note. I'm lovin' it.

Questions of correctness

2007-01-05T13:51:00.000-06:00

One other thing. Questions. I don't like scrunchy questions. You couldn't possibly know what i mean though, could you ? Could you? Hmm ? COME ON!!! FIGURE IT OUT !!!!! I like spaces. It looks better.

I gotta go to work now... I work in a crowded warehouse of idiots.

What are some of the reader's jobs ?

Grammar, Spelling, and Personality

2007-01-04T11:10:00.000-06:00

I've just read plenty regarding the level of writing needed to work one of these here blogs. Some say nothing more is needed than the ability to punch keys, others say you need to be an English Major writing with your instructor over your shoulder. Me, well, i compromise. I've always been a stickler for grammar and spelling, but when it comes down to it, all that's important is consistency. A language isn't a language without it, really. That's why if i go to the UK, for instance, i won't know what the hell is being said. It's different. Still English, just incomprehensible for the most part. I strive to write using grammar everyone can comprehend, along with perfect spelling for the same reason.

There is one notable exception, however. I dont think that i am any more important than You. See how i did that there ? The President, however, is a rather important guy. Monday is a day of the week, i mean, it's on millions of calendars right now ! But as for me, i'm one of many unique souls and nobody reading this really knows me. How am i so special ?

Lame Day

2007-01-03T20:47:00.000-06:00

You know, i really hate insurance. I left work early to work on a letter i'm sending to my insurance company and the BBB, regarding the shop my car was in. It was four pages long, now it's six. The only trouble is, it took 3 hours. Crap, huh ? There are just so many ways this cookie could crumble, i just wish i had some experience. In summary: I pay State Farm, State Farm pays Ryan Collision. Ryan Collision does crappy work. I say something to both State Farm and Ryan Collision, each tell me it's in the other's hands what happens next. I get back with them both, get them on the same page for each other... and ... well, then they tell me it's up to me to get it fixed. Right. Mmmmkay. That's why the BBB letter. I'm sending it to them, and SF so they know what's up. If nothing good comes of either letter, I'm taking them both to court. I have broken trim everywhere, and the insurance company has bad faith written all over it. 27/40... not bad, huh ?

Chili Cordon Bleu

2007-01-02T13:51:00.000-06:00

I've got nothing for the day, other than the fact that i had a tasty-ass breakfast. Chili Cordon Bleu, i call it. My home-made turkey chili with a cooked chicken and turkey bacon "slop"... Cordon Bleu style. Sounds odd i know, but i like to make these kinds of crossover recipes. Once i perfect it, i will certainly share it, if anyone cares. By the by, i'm still doing much more on the layout... it's going to be another crossover of sorts... I like the completeness of the "897" template, but i need it to be more "me." So i will be merging them, so to speak. The reason ? My budget spreadsheet:

Meh... i gotta go to work now... blah.

RE-DEDICATION

2007-01-01T19:36:00.000-06:00

Hello all... It's been a while, and a lot of drama in my life. However, drama is just that... Drama. Fake. BS.

For instance, Insurance. They haven't fulfilled their responsibility, but they're a huge corporation and i'm a little guy. In that situation, me pointing at a half-attached grille on my car means nothing, not even 4 months later. 3 different tires on my car, completely discombobulated interior, signs of careless actions taken upon my car in the shop, and many other examples of incompetency are all things i have demonstrated to the insurance company, the shop, and the BBB. But i can't help but feel like i'm being treated like a Bad Guy, not just a Little Guy. It's being treated as He-Said She-Said. I say it's broke, they say they didn't do it. Thus, DRAMA. BS.

Now let me go elsewhere with this. Drama is fake. Television... "Drama." Not real life. What i've been experiencing with this insurance company and the shop, and quite a few other situations in my life lately have been so dramatic and obscenely backwards. People all around have been telling me that this is all part of Real Life. The owner of the shop my car was in and my Claim Rep's superior both have said this... Real Life, the "Real World", whatever crap you want to give me, i don't accept it. I'm not a wuss, and i will not be pushed around. There are laws for a reason, and i am going to take this to court if i need to. They're handing me drama, calling it real life. No.

I am re-dedicating, re-commiting myself to this blog as a release of information, a collective pool for all of the information and experiences i have... on a regular basis. My life needs more of an active "study" mode. I dig and dig for all of this information related to finances, math, computing, automobiles, and other such things... Yet it never sinks in. To force myself to reconvey these things in my own words is the ultimate solution. I will share the knowledge i gain, and therefore help myself and anyone who cares to check in, be it once or be it daily.

That said, i will reiterate something i mentioned to my wife earlier: When she and i met, i was unemployed and she worked part time. We had enough to pay our rent and nothing else. We put ourselves close to 10 grand in debt for moving expenses and furniture. That was 2 years ago. We've been earning about 2500 a month, and we owe $2500, have a VERY nice car, everything we need, and overall, regardless of my idiotic reactions to emergencies and new experiences, live a very comfortable life. I react stupidly to unexpected expenses because although we *are* perfectly capable of paying for them, i hate to. i'd rather pay debt. The point to all of this is, I ROCK with money. money is numbers... Applied. Any chance i can, i will put in my two cents [no pun intended], or my week-to-week experiences with money.

I'll be re-designing the layout slightly as well.

Man... i could die.

2006-11-25T00:03:00.000-06:00

I thought it was all going well... i really did. thats why i ditched this thing. on kmorg... i had friends. i shared thoughts. i heard and was heard. but here, none of that. i have no one. all was mediocre for a couple months. i got my car back, and it's burning coolant. i dont think they're going to do anything. the shop has left my car in shambles, and i'm going to be stuck with the bill, so it seems.

my wife has re-encountered an "Ex" of hers. Her first kiss. She cant stop thinking about him. She doesnt know i know. Her best friend supports her, because i don't make her feel that way any more. Im always on about her weight, which is true. Because of that, I'm not a good husband. I do desire and love and adore my wife. And it's not conditional. I just want her to live past 35. I feel like i want to die because she... she wants something else. she's getting the idea that i must not love her, and she wants someone who has a childish, lustful, deceitful attraction to her, even if it is a real attraction. She only cares about behavior, it seems, and not true feelings or anything of real value. i dont even know what the hell im talking about anymore.

the point is this: she's hot for another guy, because i talk about her weight. her friend supports her because if i'm placing the condition of her weight loss on my love for her, which i'm not.

yeah. i love my wife. i talk about her diet choices on a daily basis. it makes her feel bad. i know.

all of this..........to see her ... hate me ? no... leave me ? no... want out ? no....

i do it because i love her. i want her to LIVE, not die. i want her to ... not hurt so much when she trips off a curb and twists her ankle. i want to jog with her... i want to do MORE in bed with her... i want MORE of her... which can only happen, if she loses some of herself, both physically and mentally.

she thinks i'm too controlling, and i am. i dont mean to be... and i tell her that. i apoligise and talk and try... i'm the type to talk out every little thing, and i think out everything i do... when i talk to her, she plays along... she thinks i'm being negative. i sound like it sometimes, but i tell her again and again... that i'm not. i just want to talk , you know ? so it goes like this: i bring something up, in a general fashion. she doesnt want to talk about it. For instance: cleaning hair from tub drain. she pushes me away, hating the fact that i'm bringing it up again. she says OK and that's it. over and over and over. once or twice a week, i ask, she says ok, and nothing changes. that's why i'm negative. then, sometimes, she'll say OK, and i'll ask for more than an OK. this is the "Controlling" aspect of me. i always want more. i strive for consistency, and only then am i satisfied. if i ask three things of her, and 2 are done consistently... what about the third ? or if all three are done half-assed, what's the point ?

none of that even effects our day to day issues, though. if she'd see i love her and only want what's best for her, and our household, she would understand.... she's my WIFE. not some ... woman... some... peice of ass... she is part of me..... and i NEED her... i need to take care of her. i HATE it when she doesnt care, i see her killing herself... and it makes me do the same. she is my motivation to continue life. if hers is being cut short by the minute, in front of my eyes... how can she not care ? she... is killing me ? why ? i know it's hard... but, is it easier for her to see me suffer than to make a change for the better of both of us ? if she would realize my point of view regarding this issue, she'd understand....... consistency. certainty. dare i say... predictability ?

i have lived with alicia and loved her, for more than two years now. i have, indeed, gotten bitter over the accusations being cast my way... what can i say. i have a problem. uncapable of showing emotion in normal ways. genetically prone to seek out patterns and routines. it's like mild forms of OCD/Bipolar/ODD rolled into one. She knows, but forgets. to me, it'd be as obvious an issue as her weight. oops there i go again. fuck me. nite nite.

oh MAN

2006-09-17T11:32:00.000-05:00

this stuff... life... is so god damn stupid. it's been a few days, and a lot more shit's happened. the song i spoke of in my last post was The Fight Song, by Marilyn Manson. some words :

But I'm not a slave to world
that doesn't give a shit

The song, as a whole, is basically, some of my own personal thoughts, put to music, as much of his stuff is. As such, this song wouldnt have popped out too much to me if it werent for those words in particular. Ive been planning my life according to what society wants. Fuck That. I'm going to do WHAT THE FUCK EVER I WANT. ya know what ? i dont know if i want to go to college. I realize that may cost me my dream car and my dream house. as i see it, i have two options:

1) Go to college for at least four years. All the while i'm making very little, and my wife is holding down the fort, while waiting for a time when she could have kids. The stress and impatience on each of us *may* drive us to divorce. Am i happy during these four years ? no. not really. im doing what teachers want. do i have time to do what the fuck ever i want ? no. and that's not all. once i'm out of school, i have to deal with bullshit jobs for another four years or so. mind you, this would be less stressful than college+part time job, but it's still bullshit. ten years from now, i *could* be a college graduate, at the cost of, well, 10 years. And about 75 grand or so, thus making the rest of my life that much less enjoyable.

2) I could take it easy. I enjoy retail, and i'm in decent shape. Im good with finances, and i can live comfortably bringing home a meek 40k/yr. I have insurance, etc. I could move up within retail, and if a company wants me bad enough, they could help with some school funding, while keeping me on staff. All the while, in my free-time, i'm doing the two things i truly love, my wife, and computer programming. I write (or rather, finish, it's already well started) a bad-ass game. Alone. I send it out to a bunch of companies, find out who wants me. Or just send it to Activision or something, and call myself Karmatach, and see who wants to tag along, and become the next id.

anyway, i'm bitching. i almost broke my hand/wrist/arm/something yesterday. too much shit going on to hear these stupid fucking neigbors blast their music and shit. so i knocked on their door to get their attention. they didnt come, so i knocked harder. repeat. 10 minutes later, they come up, stereo off, just look at me, and say "okay" with a funny look on their face. i go into the house, and see the same funny look from my wife. i look at my hand, and there it is, a red protrusion, about 3 inches long, 3/4 inches wide. it was hard and elongated, only protruded when i had my hand pulled back. so naturally, i think bone. after all, the last time i did this, this didnt happen. anyway, we put ice on it and went to the ER. the doc feels it up, gives me this look of "you're wasting my time" and tosses an ace bandage at the nurse and walks out. he was in the room long enough to get out the phrase "it's not broken, it's a contusion, next time use the doorbell."
it's an apartment...with no doorbells. oh well. that woulda been nice though.

another day, another bill.

2006-09-10T03:48:00.000-05:00

man.... i had the weirdest fucking dream last night. It was in the somewhat near future, about 5-10 years from now I’m guessing. first off, my dad was some kind of millionare weirdo. he had a helicopter, and was flying to iowa for some medical stuff. he asked us if we wanted to tag along for a ride, and even though we shouldnt have, we said yes. Now the thing is, the reason we shouldnt have tagged along is this: school.

these types of dreams are what make me seriously wonder if i'm having "normal" dreams, or something more along the lines of a sleep-seizure-induced-hallucination. reason being, there was never a word spoken of school, or anything like that. it was just an unspoken understanding between alicia and i that we were doing something naughty by skipping school by as much as a week, BTW, it seemed as if we were "in" middle school. no thoughts of "lockers" or anything like that. The thoughts were more like homework and bullies. Sack lunches and being seen together with my dad. All that in 30 seconds of a very abstract, relatively short (for the detail) dream.

anyways, i rant. on the way to iowa, my dad found something on the bathroom wall. the bathroom, in the helicopter. yes. anyway, it was alicia's right nipple. she had taken it off. and put it on the bathroom wall, so it wouldn’t weigh down her boob. yeah... scary much ? I told him it was the wad of gunk that had collected on the inside of my elbow from the bandaid the hospital gave me after they drew blood. he beleived me, although it was clearly a nipple. heeh.

anyway, it so happens that while in iowa, a long-dead alcoholic uncle of mine, died again... and happened to live in iowa at the time... (he was from texas, i think) Anyway, so we went to the funeral. It looked nothing like him. The rest of the family seemed oblivious, so i went along with it. About 5-10 minutes into the service, i got so emotional i couldnt help but cry my ass off over an uncle i'd only seen like 1-2 times EVER, and certainly not for about 20 years (in future-speak). Anyway, After a while, i began to realize the face i was seeing in the casket was not that of my uncle, but rather his best friend. How i know that, i don't know. Anyway, my uncle's best friend was laying on top of my uncle, face up. He had his two children by his sides, under each arm. what brought my attention to it was the fact that one of them had stuck their heads up, and woke up the best friend. again, everyone seemed oblivious, like it was totally normal. so they got out of the casket, and walked around a bit. it was then i noticed that the whole service seemed a little laid back. certainly not formal. i think something that influenced this part of the dream was an episode of seinfeld: "The Bris." I had watched it that day. the behavior of the mohel is very similar to that of the overall atmosphere of the funeral, if you wanna call it that. It was almost as if we were at a bar or something. Anyhoo, the whole thing went on for a while: people wandering around chatting, drinking martinis, reminiscing, and all that whatnot. nothing to do with a funeral, really. However, after a while, a priestly-looking dude somewhat resembling g-man from half-life, came up to where the majority of the crowd was gathered, and gave a little speech. as it's been about 20 hours since the dream at the time of writing (this paragraph), i don't remember any particulars, except that he was speaking like a drunk jewish g-man. wow, huh ? After the speech, he grabbed a HUGE jug, about 2x the size of a rossi jug. it was wrapped in a full-size brown grocery bag no less, not the stereo typical little ones. he then handed out shot glasses, while filling them up with something everyone somehow knew was tequila. Then, a simple statement about his alcoholism, followed by a simple "Bottoms Up !", and we all downed it in the name of Richard McDowell. Apparently, i got so wasted by that one shot, that i blacked out for a while. So did alicia, and everyone else, i think. When i came to, i was in a bedroom with alicia and about 4 other people. Oh, did i mention that this funeral was being held in my dad's doctor's home ?

Yeah, the one who he originally went to iowa to see. Some weird connections the mind can make when cooking up stupid shit like this. Anyway, Richard was still in the other room, but was naked at this point. Alicia, wasted as shit, accused me of sexing him before we passed out, and of stealing her nipple, which my dad had thrown away earlier, taking my word that it was simply a wad of gunk. BTW, he was in the bathroom chatting with me, while we were on the copter... rather than flying it... And no, there wasnt a co-pilot. Dont ask me how i know this shit, its just THERE. Anyway, the debate between alicia and i grew, to the point where she accused me of specifics. that i butt-sexed him. so naturally, i whipped out my dingus, and told her to whiff it. so what else can she do but start slurping on it ? about 5 minutes later, she tells me she can't taste anything... which, to me, meant i was off the hook. But no, she meant, that she just cant "taste" it, her taste is not functioning properly. So she calls my dad's ex-girlfriend, alison... now, as of today, it's been a little under 5 years since they were a thing. that'd be 10-15 yrs in "dream-time." I'm not sure HE still has her number. Anyway, OVER THE PHONE, out of the blue, totally FUCKING wasted, alicia asks alison if my dick tastes like ass. Alison is totally unsurprised, etc... and asks alicia to put the phone up to my cock, and then my ass. for comparison, i guess. The answer is yes, but ONLY because alicia does it out of order (ass then cock)... YEAH HIS COCK IS MORE ASSY THAN HIS ASS !!! DAMN WHAT THE HELL YOU DOIN WITH THIS FAG, BITCH ?!?! is her reply. Now alison is some kind of devout catholic or something... so yeah. at this point, i am pleading with alicia to not accuse me of this shit, and i am half-sad, half pissed as fuck... which is my typical demeanor when we are in a disagreement of any sort. it's just the drunken-ness that made it so much worse, i guess.

after chatting with alison for a bit, they do a little phone sex session, which turns me on. so i do my thing ... and a little bit of my "stuff" flies through a wall and lands on the uncle. somehow, alicia can tell... and goes back to that subject. at this point, sad, mad, drunk, and, well, dreaming, i punch alicia in the jaw. that was about 22 hours ago (its 2am right now, and i slept from about 1am to 10ish)

i've since made some ponderings, and have heard a new song with some particular meaning ... and i've made some small, but significant, decisions and changes regarding my life and relationship.

I'll get into that more tomorrow, after downloading the song's lyrics... let alone the title... i know it ain't "piste 09"

its been a bit

2006-09-10T03:45:00.000-05:00

oh jesus, it's been a grip. i was out of work for a week. 9 days off in a row, folled by a 4 day week. then a 4 day weekend, and another 4 day week. jesus, i need to get back into it, which will start in just 2 days. in the meantime, i've been totally fucked up, thanks to dilantin. oh jesus, this fucking sucks. anyway, i'm done on this post, i'm gonna pop something else up i wrote earlier.

out

goin down easy street, and i hit a median.

2006-08-22T23:27:00.000-05:00

So... figuratively *and* literally. So one day im learning on my unicycle. Next day, i'm off to work. I take a wrong turn and freak out. I have a seizure. I hit the median. The ambulance comes. I'm now thinking i'm going to owe 500 for ambulance fees, 500-1000 for hospital shit, and 1000 for 1500 for auto. Then i remember my auto insurance. that brings that part down to 500. So, 500/1000/500 now. But then, i had to pay for towing too right ? No. It's all covered. Heeh. So, i hit a median on easy street. And bounced right back into easy street.

Life is good.

I'm out two days work, but meh. That might be covered too... :)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

2006-08-12T21:34:00.000-05:00

life is gooooooooooooooood right now. money is loose, i have a job i love, with no politics or drama, alicia probably would say the same... and all that jazz. cable was installed friday (a day early...) my uni comes tomorrow. it'll be a challenge to learn, but i've got a keen sense of balance, so it shouldnt be too damn bad. anyway, that'll bring me some additional much-needed exercise. as if OTC wasn't physical enough, heh. i should bring that to work and buzz around on it filling orders all day. Anyway, i'm going to learn the uni in 3 main steps... 1) i'm going to get my balance and the VERY basics taken care of out on our balcony. very small... but its four feet from where i am right now, and four feet more to the TV screen. Basically, it's not out of the way, and i have some support... the balcony railing. Once i am able to stably idle and such things, i will move to an inconspicuous area on the side of my apartment building. it's a 30 by 40 peice of land, thick grass, inclines, and the like. I'll use the building for support till i can move around reasonably. After that, i'll move on to the WHOLE WORLD. :-D

That's the cool part about unis... you can take and use them anywhere (small), and then just leave it be... for instance... i can uni across the lot to my car, toss it in, go to the grocery store, uni on in, and toss it into the bottom of the cart and SHOP !

heeh. whatever.

there's also money. Our bills are 1200/mo. Groceries/gas run about 110/wk. That's about 1650. Our income is currently about 2500. Do the math. for a while there, there was about a 50-150 dollar difference between income/expense. Wow, huh ? So sudden, so awesome. So that's why i was ok with upping our expenses by 15/mo for cable.

anyway, basically the only worries right now are some car projects i've been wanting to take care of for a while... im just waiting for things to slow down a bit... maybe in a couple weeks i'll dig into it a bit. who knows, ya know ?

la la la ... im out

2006-08-10T00:02:00.000-05:00

Well hello again... i've been getting used to the new job, at OTC. It's pretty fucking awesome. The training is pretty strong, considering. It was one day of learning, including an hour of shadowing... followed by a 6-hour day of BEING shadowed by a trainer. then, a 7-hour "certification" day, where i had to do one batch perfectly, after which i was certified and therefore allowed to pick by myself. i got about 4 batches done after that, alone. my accuracy *should* be fairly good... it was 99.53 on my first day, on which i pulled about 3 batches... and again, i pulled 5 or 6 today. we'll see tomorrow, how well i did on accuracy today. i hope it's up there, because my accuracy being 99 or up, along with at least 80-100% performance, is something of a goal for me right now. i need to actively hold myself to that, until it is comfortable, and commonplace. After that, i can concentrate on upping my performance. Make sense ?

Anyhoo... I ordered Cable. Yay. It comes Saturday.

Also, i ordered a unicycle. It comes Monday. Yay.

It ROCKS.... Life does. :-D

A unicycle. For exercise. Call me crazy !!! :-D

wow.

2006-08-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

so... i posted about this the other day. i got hired. i work now. starting monday. weird.

i dont feel like shit now. i just need to know when my first check is so i can start blowing some money. hee hee. that's the second part of my b-day present, after all. as it stands this moment, at the end of the month, there will be -$44 in the bank. however... if i get a $550-$650 check, there will be five to six hundred dollars... to spare. credit cards and party. heeh.

im happy now. SMURPH !

hmm.

2006-08-02T23:14:00.000-05:00

so it seems that my birthday present is that i get to sit on my ass for a few weeks between jobs. and that it won't have any effect on our ability to pay our bills. for about 7 weeks. yay. and there *are* quite a few positions out there. I've gotten 8 apps/interviews out there in the last few days. Two interviews. Nothing i feel *really* good about yet, but any of them would rock. It's just that im not sure if im as qualified a person as they're looking for. I dunno. I need to look for something that is *well* worth it, since it isnt exactly a time-sensetive situation or anything. or am i crazy ? whatever. im gonna go watch conan now. out.

awww... shit

2006-07-30T10:51:00.000-05:00

so... i dont work for walmart anymore. they had told me that they'd keep me on and see if i could transfer. but they didn't. bitches. so i *might* ask them about it and whatnot, but i dont think it would really be worth it. i'll just wait a couple days and go apply at the store i wanted to transfer to, and leave it at that. well... i will be applying at dozens of other places, too. and there are quite a few places with really killer openings that i think i'd rather do, anyways. DC's and delivery positions, things like that. yay.

anyways... life is odd right now because of all of that, so ... yeah ! i'm gonna go play for a while.

wow... so yeah... days is weird

2006-07-25T19:05:00.000-05:00

Shit man... what a wild few days it's been. them first couple really amounted to absolutely nothing. but then... i had to start working days. that's right. for the first time in about 4 years, i'm working a day shift. crazy, huh ? no ? sounds piddly ? TRY IT. it's stupid. i'm on my way to work and i'm like ... what ? its... 7 ? i should be getting *off* work. Or... it should be *dark* out... one of the two. anyway. i'll leave it at that.

So i'm going to pay attention to alicia's tip income and whatnot real close for a while. i'll probably budget it at about 4 bucks an hour, if at all. what we're doing right now is just tallying it up and sticking it in an envelope in our safe in $5 increments... probably just get gas off it each week. we just pocket the rest, keeping 5 to 10 bucks each, on us. sound good ? yup.

anyhoo... not much else going on really, as sad as that is. i've been having a bunch of seizures lately, 1-2 a day. some have been *really* intense. i guess it's just that i haven't had to deal with it for so long, that it's gotten somewhat hard for me. as far as work goes, i'm days now, duh. just for this week though. next week my "temporary" work is TECHNICALLY done... but they're going to keep me on as temp until i get a yes/no on the transfer. then i'll go permanent at the appropriate location. anyhoo, i'm going to take off now... i've been wanting to do some writing lately, so maybe when things calm down a bit, i'll jot some stuff :)

im out

welp...

2006-07-19T09:40:00.000-05:00

okay okay... fine. i'm done being bitchy. after an other wise good weekend, followed by a shitty weekendend, it's all good. know why ? Money. Alicia's making a bunch. It makes me want to start on my college ASAP. maybe 25 to 30 hours work and school for a couple years... I just don't know if i'd be able to get into my field as easily as she did hers. Besides that, i just want to get it out of the way. On the other hand, there are so many other financial things i want to take care of before muddling with any other loans. For example, right now we have one reliable car, and one POS. I'd like that to be *two* reliable cars before i start school. yknow ? anyhoo, other than that she's making about 6 bucks an hour in tips. wow. that's about 15 dollars an hour. for cutting some HAIR man. yada yada money is good.

im out. i'm also watching sideways and getting drunk on sherry. sherry is tasty. :)

god DAMN

2006-07-17T08:52:00.000-05:00

well... jesus. It's been a LAME couple of days. I was at my dad's yesterday, right... and i'm doing some work on my brakes. He puts a hole in my oil pan. So we fix that, i go home la deeh dah. I'm on my way to work last night and wouldn't ya know it, i get a hole in my TIRE. yay. thankfully i have a full-size spare. well, not anymore. it's being used. and if that weren't enough to put me in a piss poor mood all week, i chipped a fucking tooth at work last night. ow. it's all rough and shit. fortunately, it's not going to be too noticeable. i'm gonna file it down a bit... blah.

nothing much more to say... other than i started on a crochet project finally. a robe, for alicia. if it's cool i'm going to make myself one also. yay.

out.

Testing, Testing.... one two three.

2006-07-16T11:52:00.000-05:00

So... my dairy/gluten test is now at that critical moment, where things really start happening. I began consuming large amounts of both gluten and dairy on wednesday, decreasing my consumption to slightly less-than-normal levels each day. Today, Sunday, i had a small seizure. However, since adding gluten along with a b-vitamin supplement back into my diet, my face is now 100% better. The reason ? The skin condition i had was indeed caused by my gluten intolerance, but indirectly. The biggest thing gluten intolerance does to a victim's body is drastically reduces their ability to absorb nutrients. Like vitamin b and potassium, for instance. Low amounts of potassium is half of the reason i have seizures. Unfortunately, i can't get away with just taking a potassium supplement to fix that. Anyway, lack of Vitamin B is what was causing my skin condition. When i took gluten out of my diet, my skin condition actually got *worse*, though. Why ? Because gluten is your average joe's source of 90% of their vitamin B intake. Before, i was getting about half of my required vitamin b intake. After, about 5%. Now that i'm eating small amounts of wheat, too small to cause significant digestive problems, and taking a supplement, i'm getting the Vitamin B that i need. However, even if i am avoiding digestive and skin problems, i will still probably have a seizure now and again. But that's OK, as long as i don't look like a fucking leper anymore. So yeah, life is good.

By the by... Alicia and i are doing alot better. Not that it never gets as bad as it seems between us... It's just alot of stupid stress shit. But i finally let her know 100% of what i think. I've told her before why i sometimes treat her like a child... Which is because, well, sometimes she acts like one. For example, she constantly says "I dont wanna." Well... I dont wanna pay bills... so i won't ? Um no. We're supposed to be adults. "I don't wanna go to work" and "I don't wanna exercise" are the top 2. It would not be a big deal if she said these things as she was putting on her uniform or while grabbing a dumbell, but no. It's said as she lays in bed, not wanting to get up and start her day. It's said as she eats a hi-cal breakfast. It's said with disgust and a real, actual laziness in her voice. I've told her all of this in the past, and it was news to her. It seems reasonable to me, that if she isn't willing to provide her own motivation to do what needs to be done, that i give her a boost every once in a while. But then, as i've realized before, if i'm saying something she doesn't want to hear, no matter how polite, well thought-out or justified, she's not going to be happy. But that's old news. What i just shared with her is how i beleive we got where we are, at least partially. I beleive it's lack of respect. Mutual respect. If I say something such as "You need to exercise this morning", it should not be taken as bitching. I love my wife, and *only* consider her health needs when saying such things. But when she replies, it's considering, well, what she wants. As such, I think that out of respect for me, as a loving husband, she take a minute or two before she responds to such statements. And on the flipside, if she responds with "I dont wanna," I need to learn to reply to that in a more thought-out and adult manner. It's hard work... I swear. Any suggestions ? I know this post may seem like i'm trying to make her look bad or whatever, but really, that's not how i mean to sound. She's going through a lot right now, and she's realizing that it's not *me* who's asking for responsibility and persistence, but rather LIFE. I've been pushing so hard for her to lose weight and this and that, that she hasn't had an opporitunity to develop her *own* motivation. After backing down for a couple weeks, she has, to a certain degree, upped her motivation. And from now on, i'm going to say it *once* and let her take it from there. If that works, fine. If, after a month or so, it doesn't, i'm going to take it a step further. Anyway, i'm going to shut up now and go to sleep.

lol.

Yeah.

2006-07-14T10:07:00.000-05:00

The Bitch.... She got a D-Day. Which is:

You have 2 weeks to decide wether you want to :

Stay with walmart and be demoted, with no chance to promote for a year..... OR...
Quit, keeping any applicable pension, 401k etc.

Yeah, i win.

Wow, what a f*cking day !!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-13T07:43:00.000-05:00

And I mean that in the utmost of positivity. For the most part. I had intended on making a post yesterday, but... the only real reason for that was that i'm now back in blogville 100%. But, not necessarily every day. Or, not necessarily only once a day. Hah. Anyway, yesterday was uneventful, for me anyway. By the time i learned that my wife's father was in the ER, i was already getting ready for work. Buuuuuuuuuut... Last night at work rocked. 'Twas payday, and all. So i had a crapload of dairy *and* a crapload of gluten, for this test i'm doing to see if i'm right about my Gluten/Lactose intolerance not affecting my face. I'm gonna load up on both. More than ever. If my face doesn't get as messed up as my brain, then... YAY.

Anyway, off the boring. I had a fun night. The last three nights, i was sweeping. Last night i worked. Anyway, it was fun till 6:30, when some stupid bitch was, well, in a bitchy mood. I was closing an overhead door, by hand, and she was behind me, saying "i'll do it" I didn't know she was talking to me, so when i got it closed and turned around, she was glaring at me... she had a jack that needed to go outside. I said... "Sorry" ... she goes off on some tangent about how i spent 20 minutes closing a door, after which i correct her "2 seconds, maybe... but we can stand here and talk about it for 20 minutes if you want ?" She goes on to say how much of a slacker i am, at which point i ask her to stop bitching at me. "OH ! YOU DO NOT WANNA DO THAT TO MANAGEMENT !!! OH ! THAT WAS A MISTAKE, BUDDY !" ... wow... oops... this stupid bitch is management ? so i say to her, "sorry, but, i didn't take 20 minutes... by the way, i'm one of the hardest workers on my crew." she rolls her eyes, begins to storm away and yap about how stupid and slackass and slow i am. So i punch the nearest Flat, which oddly enough, resonated quite loudly... "GIVE ME ONE GOD DAMN EXAMPLE, THEN !!!" She doesn't. Thank god someone broke it up, though... Some dude, a random vendor, yells, "Why don't you both shut up and go back to work !" At which point i look at her... and say... "Don't do it again, please."

10 minutes later i go to the manager's office.

I give my side... calm, cool, collected, consistent, and logical.

Her side... Clusterfucked and lopsided.

Who wins ? Me. Yay. I was told punching things and cussing were things that make up a hostile work environment and aren't tolerated. I apologized for taking my hard work so personally.... While glaring Bitch in the eyes. They said thank you, and said i could go home. (It's that time, BTW.) That's it. She on the other hand, I don't think did so well. When i got home about 40 minutes later, i called in to talk to my boss. She wasn't done talking to Bitch. Yay.

So... FOR THE FIRST TIME ... I won. In a corporate setting. Yay. I'm so fucking happy.

Anyway, i'm going to the funnybone on friday with Alicia. And a dude from work. Yay. Awesome. I can't stop saying yay.

So i was just thinking to myself about all the shit i have to do today... and was considering cutting this short so i could go to the bank and deposit my check. I've had direct deposit for three years.

Anyways... I'm gonna go make some tea, and soak my piercings and shit... shower...

That's my three s'es .... Shit Shower and Soak.

Nighty night all... I know i'm forgetting something, so yeah, i might toss some other wordage on here l8r.

HOLY CRAP

2006-07-11T19:53:00.000-05:00

Jiminy Cricket this is AWESOME !!! just a sec while i go pour a cup of coffee.... WOW !

Raspberries and CREAM ! From my SENSEO ! I've had a senseo for quite some time now, and have LOVED it. However, i'm also a huge tea fan. So i've always wished there was a larger selection of tea-pods. Well... then i saw the MyPod at walmart... where i now work. that's another story for another day. MyPod lets you take coffee grounds or fresh tea, toss it in and brew up a cup. Needless to say, it's not *exactly* a standard Senseo quality mug-o-joe... but it's better than nothing. And who wants frothy tea ? Anyhoo, i now enjoy all the Celestial Seasonings i want. That, and, i'm able to toss in a sampler of any ground coffee i want, in between my usual Senseo Killarney. I love it.

Anyway, it's been 2 years. I've started, abandoned, and last month, re-started my ear project i was hinting at in my last post. I've now got the beginnings of the soon to be updated wrist cross i spoke about last time. Also, I have a 5" VW emblem on my right outer bicep, along with the phrase "Driver Found." Clever, eh ? I'm still the geeky Goth Nerd i always was... just a little bit less kiddie about it. I don't have as much cash to blow through on this crap, so yeah. Well, Alicia and i are currently making a LOT more than we used to... Her having just gotten out of school few weeks ago, and her income tripled... yeah. But, i've been responsibly knocking out a bunch of our debt, ya know ? Which, wow... It just rocks that i *REMEMBER* how it used to be, making 6 or 7 hundred dollars every two weeks... of which only 1 or 2 hundred went to "bills" ... gas, and occasional food. yeah... wow. now... 3g a month... 3 hundred to spare. Not bad but, come on... 5 hundred a week to SPARE ?!?!?! that was some SHIT. AND the credit cards. WOW. anyway im done now...

so coffee, money, and my wife. that's the three main points of this post...

OH as far as the epilepsy goes... i *may* be gluten intolerant. I've had seizures, and i *thought* i had a skin condition that is commonly connected to gluten intolerance, called dermatitis herpetiformis. But that's not the condition i have ! What i have appears to be seborrheic dermatitis, also associated with epilepsy. I don't think gluten has anything to do with my skin condition. However, I've been having a LOT less seizures after cutting out gluten... Now, all i have to worry about is lactose... JESUS. Gluten, by the way, is wheat, rye, barley. And yes, white bread is made from wheat. Is white rice still rice ? Yes... just raped. And with that, i go to work, and welcome your comments.

2nd post

2004-08-05T10:32:00.000-05:00

hey. me again. i'll just begin my spree by telling you the #1 thing i deal with in my life. it's my epilepsy. i go into states of deep uncontrollable thought, after which, my brain is left somewhat fried, to the point where my most recent memories have been damaged. i have very poor short term memory as a result. my limbic system was damaged by a fall out of a car at a young age (4 i think) anyhoo... i've recently realized:

i don't have very much of a memory of my childhood
i can't remember very much even from a couple years ago (let alone last week)
i don't want to be saying the same thing about my teen years when i'm in my twenties.

i've been trying to find ways of accomplishing this for the last few weeks. i found one key thing that works wonders. body mods. they are such that i can constantly be reminded of the event, and thus the memory is drilled into my brain to such an extent that i will likely never forget the ordeal. currently i have a small tattoo of a cross (in dots, 6 colors) on my wrist. i will be changing it over the years, but here is how it looks now, and the final goal.

i also want to get about 5-6 more over the years. my next is going to be a sort of celtic scorpion on my upper left shoulder. i'll use photos from here on out. same goes for peircings. i plan on having either 4, 5, or 7 holes in each ear. i will be getting the scorpion and the first of my holes in anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months' time, depending on money.

see u all l8r i guess...

- ĝejk (my name [jake] as represented in esperanto)

First Post (here anyways)

2004-08-04T08:14:00.000-05:00

Hola, this is my first post on blogger. Duh, hmm ? Well, i'd had a kmorg account for a few years, but that's all gone now, which blows. Ummm, well, i'm not really prepared much to make a lengthy post right now, i think i'll work on my layout for a bit and then maybe think of a more personal post to make... hee hee.